Glenmurray Glen Roger

In a locker room not too far away, Roger Federer is preparing to give a pep talk to Andy Murray, Novak Djokovic and Richard Gasquet...

Roger Federer: Let me have your attention for a moment...cos you're talkin about what? Bitching about that missed forehand, some son of a bitch scheduled you to play eight days in a row, some umpire screwed you on a line call, some broad, you're trying to persuade her to dress as a ball girl at the weekend and so forth? Let's talk about something important...Are they all here?

Patrick McEnroe: All but one...

Roger Federer: Well I'm goin anyway....Let's talk about something important... (to Andy Murray) PUT that milkshake DOWN! Milkshake is for slam winners only! You think I'm fuckin with you? I am not fuckin with you. I'm from downtown, I'm here from Castle and LLoyd and the LTA and I'm here on a mission of mercy!! I remember you, Andy Murray right?...You call yourself a tennis player you son of a bitch??

Novak Djokovic: I don't got to listen to this sh*t...

Roger Federer: You certainly don't pal, cause the good news is you're fired! The bad news is you got, all you got, just one week to regain your ATP rankings starting with today, starting with today's tournament!

Roger Federer: Oh do I have your attention now...? Good, cause we're adding a little something to this tourneys prize money. As you all know first prize is a cadillac eldorado. Anybody wanna see second prize? Second prize is a set of Golden Federer tennis mini-racquet steak knives. Third prize is you're fired...

Roger Federer: You get the picture? You laughing now? You got tennis balls, the ATP paid good money to get these balls for you to win slams with them. You can't win slams, you can't win sh*t, you ARE sh*t, HIT THE CHALLENGER CIRCUIT PAL AND BEAT IT COS YOU ARE GOIN OUT!!

Andy Murray: The balls are old...

Roger Federer: The balls are old?? Fuckin BALLS are old?? You're old Murray, you're pushing 23 and no slam!! I've been in this business 15 years-

Novak Djokovic: What's your name?

Roger Federer: F**K YOU, that's my name! You know why mister? Cause I have 15 slam titles and you have one measly Aussie Open, THAT'S my name!

Roger Federer to Murray: And your name is you're wanting, you can play in the man's world, you can't win a slam? Then go home and tell Kim your troubles.

Roger Federer: Cause only one thing counts in this life, hit those balls inside the lines that are white! You hear me you fuckin faggots?? ABW - A - always, B - be, W - winning. Always Be Winning. ALWAYS be winning! A.I.D.A. - Aces, Inside, Decision, Aggression. Aces. Are you serving aces? Inside.. Are you hitting inside the lines? I know you are, cos it's f**k or walk - win a slam or hit the challenger circuit! Decision. Are you disputing the umpire's decision for Roger? (to Andy Murray) And Aggression. A.I.D.A. Get out there, you know the tournament directors, you think they hold those slams just so they can stand around in the rain? They're sitting there...waiting to give you their trophies.

Roger Federer to Murray: Are you going to take them? Are you man enough to take them??

Novak Djokovic: (grumbling)

Roger Federer: What's the problem pal? You, Djokovic...

Novak Djokovic: You're such a hero, you're so rich, how come you're coming down here wasting your time with such a bunch of bums?

Roger Federer: Don't tell me to be quiet! When I want to talk I'll talk. I don't give a sh*t what you say. Don't f**king tell me the rules! You see this jacket? You see this jacket with the gold stitched 15 on it?

Novak Djokovic: yeah...

Roger Federer: This jacket cost more than your car. I've made fifty million dollars in my career, how much you made? You see pal, THAT'S who I am and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a sh*t. Cute impressions? F**k you, Go on Britain's got talent! You wanna play tennis, win another slam!

Roger Federer to Richard Gasquet: You think this abuse?? You think this is abuse you coke sniffer?? If you can't take this how can you take the crap from those bastards in Paris or your rehab counselor?? You don't like it get back to the nightclub and kiss a coke snififng girl!!

Roger Federer: I can go out tonight and with the tennis balls you got and play cobblestone tennis against some street kids and make 100,000 dollars. TONIGHT. Can you?

Roger to Novak: Can you??

Roger Federer: Go and do likewise. A.I.D.A. Get mad you sonofabitches, get mad! You know what it takes to play Grand Slam tennis? Balls as big as tennis balls!! Go and do likewise gents. The slams are out there, you pick them up they're yours, you don't I got no sympathy for you. You want to go to the Aussie Open and win, WIN. You don't you're gonna be shining my shoes! And you know what you'll be saying, bunch of losers sitting around in a tennis club. Oh yeah, I used to be a slam contender, it's a tough racket.

Roger federer holding up a box: These are new tennis balls, The Glenmurray balls, and to you they're gold, and you don't get them. Why? Cause to give them to you is like throwing them away. They're for slam winners. I'd wish you good luck but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it.

Roger to Novak: And to answer your question pal, why am I here? I'm here because your dad asked me to come and light a fire up your ass. He asked me for a favour, I said a favour would be to send your ass to impression school cos a loser is a loser...

(Roger picks up his racquet and leaves the room)

Novak Djokovic: Bunch of f**king nonsense, everyone knows my impressions are off the charts!!