What tennis players 'get up to' (no pun intended) within the privacy of their own bed is entirely up (npi) to them. But when a healthy 22 year old bloke starts complaining of an aching wrist, one is sometimes persuaded to look at the girlfriend to inquire if there's something she isn't doing.
Kim Sears is a top TWAG. A brainy 21 year old blonde with a pair of fantastic legs and a body that curves 'in and out' (npi) in all the right places. But it's rumoured she also does Andy's laundry and 'keeps house' at the £5 million mansion they share in Surrey. So - has the fire gone out between them or has Andy just stopped putting the wood (npi) where he should?
"At the end of the day, this all comes down to Andy's 'signature' double-handed backhand", explains sex and wrist therapist Dr Vaginia McDuff.
"Had it been his left wrist that was inflamed, I'd have arrived at a completely different diagnosis", she speculates.
"Left wrist injuries, particularly amongst right-handed tennis stars, are often a sign of marital stress or occasionally something even more serious such as deep psychological introspection".
"However, this is a right-wrist injury", she speculates. "It's therefore possible - or at least we should take it into account - that Andy might have hurt it playing tennis. And since the business of accurate prognosis is all to do with elimination, we always bear in mind that sexual problems aren't always at the root of things that go wrong with an athlete's body".
"I'd say the jury is out on this one", she concludes. "Either Andy's up for a hard one against the Poles or Kim will have to take him in hand and sort everything out (multiple npi)".
Murray, who pulled out of the 2007 Wimbledon with the same injury, faced the press today with a huge pack of ice on his completely immobilised wrist. Kim Sears sat smilingly beside him but didn't open her mouth.
This hard news story is about a tennis match in Liverpool.
http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s6i60059 
