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Addiction and depression

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scotnadian
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Re: Addiction and depression « Reply #150 on: March 02, 2012, 09:56 PM »
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I heard recently that a man who tried to put a toblerone up his arse was arrested by the police and put in a prism over night.
Haha.. this one.. ouch.


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robbie
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Re: Addiction and depression « Reply #151 on: March 02, 2012, 10:54 PM »
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What plant is that?
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Aileen
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Re: Addiction and depression « Reply #152 on: March 03, 2012, 12:40 AM »
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Not at all. Women can be very controlling and manipulative in their own way – even Muslim women to be honest. Last year, a married American man showed a lot of interest in me. He told me he's in a very abusive relationship with his wife to the point that one night he had to call the police to have restraining orders against her. He really wants to leave her but because they have a child together and because she's too reluctant to take a job, it feels impossible for him to down to that divorce road. He told me that while he's perfectly willing to give her child support no way in hell he'll give her alimony. Anyway, I didn’t go out with him because I don’t go out with married men. He could be lying of course but the details were a bit much to make the whole thing up. He seemed like a trustworthy guy anyway.
Trustworthy or not, you were right not to get involved with him.  Big Trouble!  Also, although I know nothing about American divorce laws, I cant believe he'd get away with not paying her alimony, particularly as she hasn't got a job.   Feel really sorry for him though because it sounds like his wife does have a problem which might benefit from help of some kind - mood stablising drugs, hormone treatment, or even just counselling.
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Emma Jean
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Re: Addiction and depression « Reply #153 on: March 03, 2012, 01:39 AM »
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I think his wife was sexually molested or something by her brother and her dad cheated on her mum repeatedly. So obviously she grew up not trusting men at all. According to him, it didn't show at first when they dated for a couple of years but after they got married, she became this different person jealous and always angry. All that repressed anger she had growing up, she finally took it out all on her poor husband. The guy really doesn't deserve it but it's very unfortunate what she had to go through. I do think the moment she gets a job, he’ll divorce her.
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Aileen
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Re: Addiction and depression « Reply #154 on: March 03, 2012, 02:41 AM »
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I think the bottom line therefore is that she needs to see a psychologist, for her own sake as well as everyone else's, because relationships are always going to be difficult for her.  Also speaking from experience, courtship is a whole different ball game from marriage - to quote an old saying "If you want to know me, come and live with me" - because you can still escape and be on your own if you're going out with a guy, but with marriage you're together most of the time, and that's when it all starts to hang out

It's no coincidence that some of the happiest couples I know are the ones who are often kept apart by circumstances, e.g. the husband's job.  I even know one happy couple who live in a large house, so, although they do share a bed (mega king-sized apparently), they have separate livingrooms, their own private "dens", and bathrooms, plus separate telephones - which all sounds very desirable to me!  In my opinion, human beings were never designed to live together in extremely close proximity with each other for years on end.
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scotnadian
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Re: Addiction and depression « Reply #155 on: March 03, 2012, 09:58 PM »
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What plant is that?
It's a bumboo.
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Emma Jean
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Re: Addiction and depression « Reply #156 on: March 04, 2012, 01:07 AM »
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I think the bottom line therefore is that she needs to see a psychologist, for her own sake as well as everyone else's, because relationships are always going to be difficult for her.  Also speaking from experience, courtship is a whole different ball game from marriage - to quote an old saying "If you want to know me, come and live with me" - because you can still escape and be on your own if you're going out with a guy, but with marriage you're together most of the time, and that's when it all starts to hang out

It's no coincidence that some of the happiest couples I know are the ones who are often kept apart by circumstances, e.g. the husband's job.  I even know one happy couple who live in a large house, so, although they do share a bed (mega king-sized apparently), they have separate livingrooms, their own private "dens", and bathrooms, plus separate telephones - which all sounds very desirable to me!  In my opinion, human beings were never designed to live together in extremely close proximity with each other for years on end.

She may have seen a psychologist I vaguely remember but she definitely had to take some anger management therapy because it was court ordered. I think they should part away. She should get a job, concentrate on her career and stop playing a victim. Bad things happen to people all the time – she should know that she's not the only one. I mean if she stops and thinks about it for a while, she'd see that this is achieving absolutely nothing. Fat chance to that though.

I don't know about others but I do need my space. Sometimes I just want to be alone so I need my space from time to time. I find it very healthy. Everything separate sounds like a splendid idea to me.
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Aileen
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Re: Addiction and depression « Reply #157 on: March 04, 2012, 01:29 AM »
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She may have seen a psychologist I vaguely remember but she definitely had to take some anger management therapy because it was court ordered. I think they should part away. She should get a job, concentrate on her career and stop playing a victim. Bad things happen to people all the time – she should know that she's not the only one. I mean if she stops and thinks about it for a while, she'd see that this is achieving absolutely nothing. Fat chance to that though.

I don't know about others but I do need my space. Sometimes I just want to be alone so I need my space from time to time. I find it very healthy. Everything separate sounds like a splendid idea to me.

I need my own space too, EJ, but I accept that there are some people who do seem to be content with constant togetherness and who wouldn't wish it any other way.  

Re the couple we've been discussing, the person I feel the most sorry for is the child of the marriage.  Children need stability.  On that level alone the husband might be best advised to leave his wife, and I agree that she should take a tumble to herself and focus on the child's welfare rather than dwelling on her own misfortunes.  I admit it took me a while to accept it, but the past is in the past and bad things that happened then cannot be undone, so feeling resentful and angry about them all the time is not only a complete waste of energy but having constant negative thoughts is a sure-fire recipe for discontentment at best, and depression at worst.
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Elly
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Re: Addiction and depression « Reply #158 on: March 07, 2012, 04:53 PM »
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Sorry EJ, but I've only just got round to this.  No I don't mind telling you.

sengamac is right, up to a point - but the reason it had such a terrible affect on me was just as I stated in my post, i.e. "Too late I discovered the man I thought I loved and who I thought loved me was in actual fact a bully, and one who resorted to mental rather than physical abuse - and that is the worst kind.  No-one can see mental scars."

To elaborate - I was frequently told how useless I was, although why I let that get to me, I don't know because I was successfully holding down a fairly demanding job, as well as running around after him (he was bone lazy); I was compared unfavourably to the girlfriends/wives of his mates (there was a crowd of us who socialised together);  I was humiliated in front of our friends; I was useless in bed - and that, by the way, was rich coming from him!  To put it bluntly he was one of the "quick in and out" brigade.  Foreplay was almost non-existent, and once he'd satisfied himself simply turned over and fell asleep (fortunately I've since had two separate relationships with men who were wonderful lovers).  The ultimate insult here though was when he started looking at fairly hard porn magazines in my presence - in fact he actually kept them under the bed.  That in addition to openly having a brief fling with a man-eating solo female who was in our hotel when we went on holiday to what was the former Yugoslavia.

So that was it - I felt worthless and degraded - and if somebody keeps on telling you the same negative things over and over again, believe me it has the same effect as water dripping onto a stone, i.e. over a long enough period of time it gradually erodes all your integrity, confidence and self-esteem.

Strangely enough this is the first time since my marital break-up that I've actually written down what I've said in both posts, but it's so distant now it's almost like it happened to somebody else and not me.


Oh my gosh - I just read this, Aileen.  How utterly awful! It's funny how sometimes things become the 'norm' and you feel like the odd person.  I'm glad you got rid of the man who sounds like a bit of a F**kwit, to be honest.  It's amazing how people can drag you down, and I do think it's happened to us all at one time or another.  hug
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