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Ever Wondered?

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Bevc
Murraymaniac
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Posts: 36,040

Gender: Female
Location: Cambridge - New Zealand


I'd give up chocolate but I'm no quitter!

Ever Wondered? « on: February 15, 2006, 04:38 PM »
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Just a little something to brighten your day (I hope)  roflmao  (not my comments in the brackets by the way!)


Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a newsflash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. " (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.

 roflmao
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Sarah_
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Ever Wondered? « Reply #1 on: February 15, 2006, 04:52 PM »
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roflmao  Haha, I have actually seen that label on the bottom of that tesco one.. hah
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~Lola~
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Location: Shallowville - near Ireland


Flood me with your words - trust me, I can swim

Ever Wondered? « Reply #2 on: February 15, 2006, 04:56 PM »
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roflmao Great Bev goodjob

Quote
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?


It's actually really hard to do that!
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deedee
John McEnroe
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Posts: 17,742


Ever Wondered? « Reply #3 on: February 15, 2006, 05:14 PM »
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They really make you think roflmao Thanks Bev!!!
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arka
Ever Wondered? « Reply #4 on: February 15, 2006, 05:24 PM »
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How can one person possibly collect so much humorous stuff??

Well done!
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Bevc
Murraymaniac
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Posts: 36,040

Gender: Female
Location: Cambridge - New Zealand


I'd give up chocolate but I'm no quitter!

Ever Wondered? « Reply #5 on: February 15, 2006, 05:39 PM »
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Quote from: "arka"
How can one person possibly collect so much humorous stuff??

Well done!


Got a lot of fun emails at work and have been saving them up over last year! Some are too risky for this forum though  :-# but they are funny  roflmao
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davew
Re: Ever Wondered? « Reply #6 on: February 15, 2006, 08:07 PM »
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roflmao  roflmao  roflmao  (seen them before but there still great)






Quote from: "Bevc"

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?


'cos they need planes to be able to fly and carry passengers.
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Banannie
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Location: UK


Ever Wondered? « Reply #7 on: February 15, 2006, 11:03 PM »
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roflmao Thanks Bev - made me laugh, which was much needed!!  hug
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eira_arian
John McEnroe
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Ever Wondered? « Reply #8 on: February 15, 2006, 11:07 PM »
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Quote
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?


razz It can be done!! I do it every day Very Happy
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Bevc
Murraymaniac
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Posts: 36,040

Gender: Female
Location: Cambridge - New Zealand


I'd give up chocolate but I'm no quitter!

Ever Wondered? « Reply #9 on: February 15, 2006, 11:07 PM »
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Quote from: "Banannie"
roflmao Thanks Bev - made me laugh, which was much needed!!  hug


Anytime  hug
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davidB
John McEnroe
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Gender: Male
Location: Mentalville


If at first you don't succeed, you fail.

Ever Wondered? « Reply #10 on: February 15, 2006, 11:39 PM »
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THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE HEARD IN LIKE A MONTH... COULDN"T STOP LAUGHING!!!!  roflmao
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h_o_l
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Posts: 640

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Location: Shallowville - Mentalville sector - Lancaster


I jist push stuff araaaahhhhnnd

Re: Ever Wondered? « Reply #11 on: February 15, 2006, 11:45 PM »
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Quote from: "Bevc"

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. " (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.

 roflmao


This one made me laugh soo much. needed a laugh after seeing brokeback mountain...*sob*
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