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Joke of the day

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Scottie
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #105 on: January 31, 2008, 01:26 PM »
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HaHa Funny!
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robbie
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Your goals minus your doubts equal your reality

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #106 on: January 31, 2008, 06:57 PM »
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three legged dog walks into a wildwest saloon, sidles up to the barman and says iv come for the man who shot my paw.
[ Last edit by robbie February 01, 2008, 07:01 PM ] IP Logged
Neil
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #107 on: January 31, 2008, 11:24 PM »
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go to Google.co.uk

Type in find chuck norris

Hit "I'm feeling lucky"

lmao
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Mark
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #108 on: January 31, 2008, 11:36 PM »
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That's awesome!! I was certainly fooled at first Very Happy
[ Last edit by Mark January 31, 2008, 11:37 PM ] IP Logged
Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #109 on: February 01, 2008, 06:34 AM »
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Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.



No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found.

Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:
Run, before he finds you
Try a different person
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Scottie
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #110 on: February 01, 2008, 03:35 PM »
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Ha Ha, thats sweet!!!!!
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Mark
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #111 on: February 01, 2008, 03:43 PM »
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2008 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. Psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mum has an affair with the psychologist. Psychologist gets a promotion.
Is that trying to suggest the boss of the psychologist was Billy's Mum. And the Mum wanted her husband to go to prison and therefore when he did, she gave the promotion for the psychologist lying for her? Or is it just trying to say he did nothing to get a promotion?

2008 - Mohammed's cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist.
So true lol

2008 - Mary is accused of being a $exual predator and loses her job.
This is unfortunately true as well Frown
[ Last edit by Mark February 01, 2008, 03:45 PM ] IP Logged
Neil
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #112 on: February 01, 2008, 04:27 PM »
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Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.



No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found.

Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:
Run, before he finds you
Try a different person


YOu are not meant to POST IT you silly boy lmao
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #113 on: February 04, 2008, 07:39 PM »
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LONDON LAWYER V GLASGOW COP

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!

Glasgow cop says, " Licence and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and
registration, please"

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte to come to complete stop,
that's the law, Licence and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the  out of the lawyer and says,
"Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"

[ Last edit by Coldmarek February 04, 2008, 07:42 PM ] IP Logged
Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #114 on: February 04, 2008, 07:42 PM »
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INDIAN WITH ONE TESTICLE

There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone".
So named because he had only one testicle.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,
"If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"
The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone."
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.
He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day,made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What is the moral of this story?????
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>You can't kill two birds with one stone!!
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Mark
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #115 on: February 05, 2008, 06:48 PM »
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LONDON LAWYER V GLASGOW COP

That smartass got owned! lmao
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Quackers
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #116 on: February 06, 2008, 01:22 PM »
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A fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when he notices a wee girl nearby sitting in a little red cart with little ladders hung on the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the cart tied to a dog and a cat.


The fireman walks over to take a closer look:

"That's a lovely fire engine,' he says admiringly.

'Thanks,' says the wee girl, proudly.

The fireman looks closer and notices the girl has tied one of the cart's strings to the dog's collar, and the other to the cat's testicles.

'Little colleague,' says the fireman, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your own fire engine, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar as well, like you did the dog, I think you could probably go a lot faster.'

The girl pauses for a moment, looks at the wagon, at the dog and at the cat, then shyly looks into the fireman's eyes and says:

'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren, would I?'
[ Last edit by Quackers February 06, 2008, 06:30 PM ] IP Logged
Neil
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #117 on: February 06, 2008, 05:07 PM »
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The swear word totally ruins that joke. Other than that it's quite funny.
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Quackers
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #118 on: February 06, 2008, 06:31 PM »
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Oh yeah I was meaning to delete that but I forgot, I just copied and pasted it while I was at work.
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Neil
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #119 on: February 06, 2008, 07:17 PM »
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Yay, now it looks more realistic with the innocent little girl image lol
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