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Joke of the day

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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1320 on: July 14, 2012, 01:14 AM »
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Oh well - you can always sharpen your blade on his rock.  Let me know how you get on. x

Indeed. I will send him back home, one week with him is enough. I might not be able to withstand one more.
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1321 on: July 14, 2012, 01:17 AM »
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I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
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Elly
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The mind doubts, but the heart never does.

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1322 on: July 14, 2012, 01:17 AM »
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Indeed. I will send him back home, one week with him is enough. I might not be able to withstand one more.
Families - Can't live with them - can't live without them... x
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1323 on: July 14, 2012, 01:27 AM »
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Families - Can't live with them - can't live without them... x

Indeed. When I returned home after many months I received a warm welcome which was unexpected given the circumstances of my leaving.
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Elly
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The mind doubts, but the heart never does.

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1324 on: July 14, 2012, 01:44 AM »
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Indeed. When I returned home after many months I received a warm welcome which was unexpected given the circumstances of my leaving.
I think and I hope that family is always there for you - so, back to jokes ...

Woman notices her dog is getting hairy around the ears and she wants to enter said pup at Crufts.  So, she thinks and decides to try to get rid of the surplus hair.

She goes into Chemist to ask for hair remover - Chemist asks for what she wants it for.

Is it for your legs?  Is it for your underarm?

No - says our lady - It's for my Chihuahua.

In that case, madam - can I recommend you don't ride your bike for two weeks  Smile
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1325 on: July 14, 2012, 02:07 AM »
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TRUE MEANING OF MALE STATEMENTS

 Statement: "I'm a Romantic."
 True Meaning: "I'm poor."

Statement: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
 True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."

Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
 True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."

Statement: "She's kinda cute."
 True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the
 head might be necessary."

Statement: "I don't know if I like her."
 True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."

Statement: "Was it good for you?"
 True Meaning: "I'm insecure about my manhood."

Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
 True Meaning: "Who are you?"

Statement: "Do you love me?"
 True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."

Statement: "Do you 'really' love me?"
 True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find
 out sooner or later."

Statement: "How much do you love me?"
 True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on
 their way to tell you by now."

Statement: "I have something to tell you."
 True Meaning: "Get tested."

Statement: "I've been thinking a lot."
 True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."

Statement: "I think we should just be friends."
 True Meaning: "You're ugly."

Statement: "I've learned a lot from you."
 True Meaning: "Next!!!!"

Statement: "I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?" True Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1326 on: July 14, 2012, 02:16 AM »
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Yes, agreed. However, guys tend to leap on the back of really sick jokes for whatever reason.  I don't profess to know why, but knowing Coldmarek from this forum, he's not without sensitivity and just playing out his frustrations.  Not an excuse, mind! Smile
Coldmarek is a man??  I did wonder, but suggest he now corrects his profile!

Anyway I'm glad the "joke" in question has been removed.
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1327 on: July 14, 2012, 02:37 AM »
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Coldmarek is a man??  I did wonder, but suggest he now corrects his profile!

Anyway I'm glad the "joke" in question has been removed.

I indeed feel like a man. My gender in profile is a joke an you are most welcome for the joke removal.
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1328 on: July 17, 2012, 03:49 AM »
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Some of the late Frank Carson's jokes -

1. There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.

2. A man walks into a pet shop and says: "Give me a wasp." The shopkeeper replies: "We don't sell wasps." He says: "There's one in the window."

3. A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."

4. A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday."

5. My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."

6. I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.

7. Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.

8. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says: "Is this some kind of a joke?"

9. What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.

10. There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."

11. A fella said to me: "Your mother-in-law has just died, do you want her embalmed, buried or cremated?" I said: "Take no chances, give her the lot.

12. A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
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ChrisMac
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1329 on: July 17, 2012, 10:35 AM »
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     lmao lmao  Thanks Elly and Aileen!
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Caz
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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1330 on: July 17, 2012, 02:46 PM »
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I think and I hope that family is always there for you - so, back to jokes ...

Woman notices her dog is getting hairy around the ears and she wants to enter said pup at Crufts.  So, she thinks and decides to try to get rid of the surplus hair.

She goes into Chemist to ask for hair remover - Chemist asks for what she wants it for.

Is it for your legs?  Is it for your underarm?

No - says our lady - It's for my Chihuahua.

In that case, madam - can I recommend you don't ride your bike for two weeks  Smile
  lmao Luv it ........Thanks Elly!
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Caz
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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1331 on: July 17, 2012, 02:47 PM »
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Yours too Aileen!  lmao
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1332 on: July 18, 2012, 04:34 AM »
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A flying saucer landed at a petrol station on a lonely country road.
The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection;
in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.
As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralysed with shock, his young blonde
attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.

"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.

"Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"

"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"

The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been
working here for six years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means
'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"
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Caz
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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1333 on: July 18, 2012, 08:10 AM »
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 lmao Thanks Aileen!
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ChrisMac
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1334 on: July 18, 2012, 10:25 AM »
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 lmao lmao Fantastic Aileen!
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