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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 48481 times)
scotnadian
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You (still) ain't seen nothing yet..

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1785 on: August 26, 2013, 11:29 PM »
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Yeah, my penis is so small I have 8 year old girls wanting to latch onto it. Wink

Is this some kind of sick joke?
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Connor
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1786 on: August 26, 2013, 11:29 PM »
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Is this some kind of sick joke?

It was said in jest about recent events, not meant to be sick.
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scotnadian
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You (still) ain't seen nothing yet..

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1787 on: August 26, 2013, 11:31 PM »
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It's not funny.
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Connor
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1788 on: August 26, 2013, 11:33 PM »
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It's not funny.

Reassuring.
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1789 on: August 28, 2013, 05:05 AM »
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THESE SIGNS ARE GENUINE -

In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER....... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK).
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Caz
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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1790 on: August 28, 2013, 08:35 AM »
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 lmao Thanks Aileen......It's nice to start the day with a chuckle!  Very Happy
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angiebabez
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Andy Murray Wimbledon Champion 2013

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1791 on: August 28, 2013, 11:36 AM »
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Joke of the day.........US open schedulers!!!
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Connor
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1792 on: August 28, 2013, 11:41 AM »
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Joke of the day.........US open schedulers!!!

Seriously, shut up.
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ChrisMac
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1793 on: August 28, 2013, 11:41 AM »
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 lmao So very true Aileen, you just have to laugh!
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Caz
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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1794 on: August 28, 2013, 12:59 PM »
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Joke of the day.........US open schedulers!!!
lmao Ain't that the truth!  Rolling Eyes Nice one Angie!
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1795 on: August 28, 2013, 04:13 PM »
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Joke of the day.........US open schedulers!!!
They would be funny if they weren't so pathetic. Rolling Eyes
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Masaka
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1796 on: August 29, 2013, 11:58 AM »
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It was said in jest about recent events, not meant to be sick.

With the greatest of respect and not wishing to "go off on one", there are some things that one really shouldn't even jest about. This sort of stuff falls within that category. Please:-)
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1797 on: September 14, 2013, 12:43 PM »
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A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks, "What will it be?"

The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the same," the ostrich replies. They
finish their meal and pay.

"That will be $4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount. They do this every day till Friday.

"The usual?" she asked. "No, today is Friday. I'll have steak and a coke."

"Me too." says the ostrich. They finish and pay. "That will be $10.95"

The man reached in and pulls out the exact amount again just like all week.

The waitress was dumb-founded. "How is it that you always have the exact amount?"

"Well," says the man. "I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty lamp. I rubbed it and a
 genie appeared."

Wow!" said the waitress. "What did you wish for?"

"I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount would appear in my
pocket."

"Amazing! Most people would ask for a million dollars. But what's with the ostrich?"

"Well," said the man. "I also asked for a chick with long legs."
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Caz
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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1798 on: September 14, 2013, 12:52 PM »
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A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks, "What will it be?"

The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the same," the ostrich replies. They
finish their meal and pay.

"That will be $4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount. They do this every day till Friday.

"The usual?" she asked. "No, today is Friday. I'll have steak and a coke."

"Me too." says the ostrich. They finish and pay. "That will be $10.95"

The man reached in and pulls out the exact amount again just like all week.

The waitress was dumb-founded. "How is it that you always have the exact amount?"

"Well," says the man. "I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty lamp. I rubbed it and a
 genie appeared."

Wow!" said the waitress. "What did you wish for?"

"I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount would appear in my
pocket."

"Amazing! Most people would ask for a million dollars. But what's with the ostrich?"

"Well," said the man. "I also asked for a chick with long legs."
  roflmao Good one Aileen! It reminds me of the one where the guy wished for a willie that touched the ground and his legs fell off!  w00t
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1799 on: September 14, 2013, 05:32 PM »
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lmao
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