MurraysWorld  >  Chit Chat  >  Joke of the day
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Joke of the day

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You are as old as you feel, but I assume you don't feel old, so you're young.
Too true.  Age is merely a number.
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Too true.  Age is merely a number.

Yeah, I have a friend that's half my age.
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So, Mrs McTumshie, you want a divorce. What grounds do you have?
Och I've only a wee garden at the back.
No, no, you must have a grudge?
Naw, we just park in the street.
No, you must have something against your husband. Does he beat you up?
No - I'm always up first to get the breakfast.
Mrs McTumshie, I really need to know why you want to divorce your husband.
Well, we just can't seem to communicate, and it's driving me daft.
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lol  Good one, Fiverings. 
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Caz
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 lmao Thanks Fiverings!
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A head-on collision occurred between cars driven by a man and a woman.

Luckily both emerged from the scene intact while their cars were totally demolished.

The woman said, "This is quite a predicament but I think we should drink a toast to celebrate this miracle.
Fortunately I just happen to have a bottle with me.

The man replied, "What a great idea", so she handed it to him.

The man downed half the bottle and handed it back to the woman.

The woman though would not take it back, saying "I think I will wait until after the police arrive to celebrate."
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A head-on collision occurred between cars driven by a man and a woman.

Luckily both emerged from the scene intact while their cars were totally demolished.

The woman said, "This is quite a predicament but I think we should drink a toast to celebrate this miracle.
Fortunately I just happen to have a bottle with me.

The man replied, "What a great idea", so she handed it to him.

The man downed half the bottle and handed it back to the woman.

The woman though would not take it back, saying "I think I will wait until after the police arrive to celebrate."

Framing the man.... tut,tut.
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Caz
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 roflmao Brilliant Aileen!
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Framing the man.... tut,tut.
Aye - because no doubt he would have laid the blame on her as being one of these 'bloody useless women drivers!"
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Aye - because no doubt he would have laid the blame on her as being one of these 'bloody useless women drivers!"
And no doubt right.
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Not exactly Joke of the day, and referenced many times since Andy joined the elite, but always good for a laugh.



Also one for afficionados of the blonde joke!!
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Not exactly Joke of the day, and referenced many times since Andy joined the elite, but always good for a laugh.




lmao  Brilliant and undoubtedly even funnier now than it was originally.  I'm sure it must have been drawn to Andy's attention.
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Two Crocodiles were basking by the side of the swamp near the river.
 
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and says, "I can't  understand how
you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age. We were the
same size as kids. I just don't get it."
 
"Well," said the big Croc, "What have you been eating?"
 
"Politicians, same as you," replied the small Croc.
 
"Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?"
 
"Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Parliament Buildings."
"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?"
 
"Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the **** out of
them and eat 'em!"
 
"Ah!" says the big Crocodile, "I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the ****
out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase."
 
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roflmao roflmao   Thanks Chris!
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Good one Chris - I've always admired the old-fashioned Ozzie take on politics, though they are a bit racist at times. 
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