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Joke of the day

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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1815 on: September 15, 2013, 01:25 PM »
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You are as old as you feel, but I assume you don't feel old, so you're young.
Too true.  Age is merely a number.
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Connor
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1816 on: September 15, 2013, 01:27 PM »
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Too true.  Age is merely a number.

Yeah, I have a friend that's half my age.
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Fiverings
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Andy Murray - Tennis Legend

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1817 on: September 16, 2013, 09:47 PM »
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So, Mrs McTumshie, you want a divorce. What grounds do you have?
Och I've only a wee garden at the back.
No, no, you must have a grudge?
Naw, we just park in the street.
No, you must have something against your husband. Does he beat you up?
No - I'm always up first to get the breakfast.
Mrs McTumshie, I really need to know why you want to divorce your husband.
Well, we just can't seem to communicate, and it's driving me daft.
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1818 on: September 16, 2013, 10:24 PM »
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lol  Good one, Fiverings. 
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Caz
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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1819 on: September 17, 2013, 07:17 AM »
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 lmao Thanks Fiverings!
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1820 on: September 17, 2013, 04:49 PM »
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A head-on collision occurred between cars driven by a man and a woman.

Luckily both emerged from the scene intact while their cars were totally demolished.

The woman said, "This is quite a predicament but I think we should drink a toast to celebrate this miracle.
Fortunately I just happen to have a bottle with me.

The man replied, "What a great idea", so she handed it to him.

The man downed half the bottle and handed it back to the woman.

The woman though would not take it back, saying "I think I will wait until after the police arrive to celebrate."
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Connor
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1821 on: September 17, 2013, 07:29 PM »
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A head-on collision occurred between cars driven by a man and a woman.

Luckily both emerged from the scene intact while their cars were totally demolished.

The woman said, "This is quite a predicament but I think we should drink a toast to celebrate this miracle.
Fortunately I just happen to have a bottle with me.

The man replied, "What a great idea", so she handed it to him.

The man downed half the bottle and handed it back to the woman.

The woman though would not take it back, saying "I think I will wait until after the police arrive to celebrate."

Framing the man.... tut,tut.
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Caz
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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1822 on: September 17, 2013, 07:29 PM »
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 roflmao Brilliant Aileen!
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1823 on: September 17, 2013, 08:02 PM »
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Framing the man.... tut,tut.
Aye - because no doubt he would have laid the blame on her as being one of these 'bloody useless women drivers!"
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robbie
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1824 on: September 17, 2013, 08:31 PM »
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Aye - because no doubt he would have laid the blame on her as being one of these 'bloody useless women drivers!"
And no doubt right.
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Fiverings
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Andy Murray - Tennis Legend

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1825 on: September 18, 2013, 12:12 PM »
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Not exactly Joke of the day, and referenced many times since Andy joined the elite, but always good for a laugh.



Also one for afficionados of the blonde joke!!
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1826 on: September 18, 2013, 07:43 PM »
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Not exactly Joke of the day, and referenced many times since Andy joined the elite, but always good for a laugh.




lmao  Brilliant and undoubtedly even funnier now than it was originally.  I'm sure it must have been drawn to Andy's attention.
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ChrisMac
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1827 on: September 26, 2013, 11:16 AM »
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Two Crocodiles were basking by the side of the swamp near the river.
 
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and says, "I can't  understand how
you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age. We were the
same size as kids. I just don't get it."
 
"Well," said the big Croc, "What have you been eating?"
 
"Politicians, same as you," replied the small Croc.
 
"Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?"
 
"Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Parliament Buildings."
"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?"
 
"Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the **** out of
them and eat 'em!"
 
"Ah!" says the big Crocodile, "I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the ****
out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase."
 
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1828 on: September 26, 2013, 12:10 PM »
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roflmao roflmao   Thanks Chris!
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Fiverings
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1829 on: September 26, 2013, 12:44 PM »
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Good one Chris - I've always admired the old-fashioned Ozzie take on politics, though they are a bit racist at times. 
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