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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 26253 times)
Daisy
John McEnroe
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #495 on: July 24, 2010, 02:37 PM »
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THE BLONDE MORTICIAN


A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'
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Elly
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The mind doubts, but the heart never does.
Re: Joke of the day « Reply #496 on: July 24, 2010, 02:49 PM »
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^ doh
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Daisy
John McEnroe
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #497 on: July 24, 2010, 02:50 PM »
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I didn't see the punch line in this one till I read it ....^^  lol
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Aileen
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Courage isn't absence of fear but mastery of it.
Re: Joke of the day « Reply #498 on: July 24, 2010, 02:51 PM »
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^ Urghhh! Smile
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Daisy
John McEnroe
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #499 on: July 24, 2010, 02:52 PM »
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As "Blonde" jokes go, I thought it was pretty good .... lol
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Aileen
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Courage isn't absence of fear but mastery of it.
Re: Joke of the day « Reply #500 on: July 29, 2010, 01:51 AM »
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A Shaggy Dog Story from the Atlanta Daily

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 874-7421 and ask for Petra.

Over 10,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 6-week old black Labrador puppy.

Men are so easy....
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Bevc
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #501 on: July 29, 2010, 11:45 AM »
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lol
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Philip
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #502 on: July 29, 2010, 09:11 PM »
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"I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. "

lol
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Aileen
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Courage isn't absence of fear but mastery of it.
Re: Joke of the day « Reply #503 on: July 29, 2010, 09:26 PM »
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It was the thought of all these disappointed over-excited male libidos that really made me laugh. Very Happy
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Daisy
John McEnroe
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #504 on: August 31, 2010, 08:10 PM »
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A husband and wife are lying quietly in bed reading when the wife looks
over at him and asks the question.

Wife: 'What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?'

Husband: 'Definitely not!'

Wife: 'Why not?  Don't you like being married?'

Husband: 'Of course I do.'

Wife: 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?'

Husband: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.'

Wife: ' You would? (with a hurt look)

Husband: Groans

Wife: 'Would you live in our house?'

Husband: 'Sure. It's a great house.'

Wife: 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?'

Husband: 'Where else would we sleep?'

Wife: 'Would you let her drive my car?'

Husband: 'Probably. It is almost new.'

Wife: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'

Husband: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'

Wife: 'Would you give her my jewelry?'

Husband: 'No.. I'm sure she'd want her own.'

Wife: 'Would you take her golfing with you?'

Husband: 'Yes. Those are always good times.'

Wife: 'Would she use my clubs?'

Husband: 'No. She's left-handed.'

Wife: - silence -

Husband: ' . . . Sh*t.'
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Hazybear
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #505 on: August 31, 2010, 08:11 PM »
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lmao
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Aileen
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Courage isn't absence of fear but mastery of it.
Re: Joke of the day « Reply #506 on: August 31, 2010, 08:41 PM »
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poster_oops  Whistle
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Elly
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The mind doubts, but the heart never does.
Re: Joke of the day « Reply #507 on: August 31, 2010, 09:11 PM »
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...
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Bevc
Murraymaniac
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I'd give up chocolate but I'm no quitter!
Re: Joke of the day « Reply #508 on: September 02, 2010, 08:42 AM »
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clap

There is a lack of funnies doing the rounds at the moment yes
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Aileen
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Courage isn't absence of fear but mastery of it.
Re: Joke of the day « Reply #509 on: September 02, 2010, 01:14 PM »
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Agree we could do with more of this.  And what about the "light-hearted news thread" which seemed to be on the go quite a lot when I first joined?
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