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Joke of the day

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Coldmarek
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Joke of the day « on: November 15, 2007, 08:29 AM »
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Two priests undress and go under the shower. Soon afterwards they realise that they have forgotten the soap. Priest John says that he has some in his room and disappears immediately without putting on again.
So he takes two pieces of soap, one in every hand and gets on the way back to the shower.
Three nuns approach him on the way there. He can hide nowhere. So he goes and stands against the wall and does not try to move if possible to seem like a statue.
The nuns stop, surprised to have never seen such a realistic statue here.
The first nun extends her hand and touches his secrets.
The priest drops a piece of soap, surprised completely.
«Oh, look! This is a soap dispenser» the first nun says.
The second nun wants to try it at once, too and also touches his secrets.
He drops the second piece of soap.
The third nun of course also would like to try and touches his secrets three, four times. Without success. She carries on full of thirst for action with the hope to get a piece of soap. Suddenly she yells loudly:
«Holy father, it also dispenses shower gel!!!»
[ Last edit by Mark November 29, 2007, 04:34 PM ] IP Logged
Mark
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1 on: November 15, 2007, 09:00 AM »
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Can you please change "anotherspammerwastingourtime" to the correct word yawn

Good joke though Smile
[ Last edit by Mark November 15, 2007, 09:01 AM ] IP Logged
Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #2 on: November 15, 2007, 09:12 AM »
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 doh Silly me
[ Last edit by ColdMarek November 15, 2007, 09:12 AM ] IP Logged
Bevc
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #3 on: November 15, 2007, 09:56 AM »
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lol
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Mark
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #4 on: November 15, 2007, 11:06 AM »
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Unfortunately this is my type of joke lol
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #5 on: November 15, 2007, 11:50 AM »
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Yes I know it is,thats why I posted Very Happy and here is another one

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
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Mark
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #6 on: November 15, 2007, 12:00 PM »
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lmao
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #7 on: November 15, 2007, 12:14 PM »
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A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"


and another

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

lmao




There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

enough for today roflmao
[ Last edit by ColdMarek November 15, 2007, 12:18 PM ] IP Logged
Mark
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #8 on: November 15, 2007, 12:24 PM »
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The last two are brilliant clap
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #9 on: November 15, 2007, 12:31 PM »
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I've heard the last one before. Maybe here actually...
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #10 on: November 15, 2007, 12:32 PM »
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John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office. After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy. John decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group. To break the ice, and to get the therapy started, John decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. He first asks for a show of hands of all the people who had sex almost every night. A modest number of hands were raised. He then asks, how many had sex once a week? This time a larger number of hands were raised. John then asks how many had sex once or twice a month? Again a few hands were raised. After John polled his group several more times he noticed one guy sitting off to the side with this huge beaming grin on his face. John noticed that the guy never raised his hand, so he asked him how often he had sex. The guy said, �Once a year!� To John's dismay, he responds, �Why are you so happy getting sex only once a year?� The grinning guy responds, "Tonight�s the night!"



lmaolmao


Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

lmao




A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies, "That�s a good piece of fir." "Correct,� says the manager, �now try this one." "That�s a bad piece of willow," says the blind man. "Correct," answers the manager.

With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. "I'm confused,� says the blind man, �Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face. The blind man says, "Oh, you�re trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It�s the **** house door off a tuna boat!"


lmao
[ Last edit by ColdMarek November 15, 2007, 12:35 PM ] IP Logged
Tommy
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #11 on: November 15, 2007, 12:34 PM »
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lol Great stuff Marek. lol
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #12 on: November 15, 2007, 12:38 PM »
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One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

lmao
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #13 on: November 15, 2007, 12:39 PM »
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A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".

Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."

Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely sh*t my pants."




Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."

Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"

Wife : "Those they gave away."

Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off c**ts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."

Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?"

Husband : "That's where they held the auction."












The queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

"Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"

The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly."

"Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen.

On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.

"Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?"

The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."



Im leaving to Canada lmao
[ Last edit by ColdMarek November 15, 2007, 12:43 PM ] IP Logged
Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #14 on: November 15, 2007, 12:43 PM »
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A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."


well there are some more lmao
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