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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 39843 times)
Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #30 on: November 19, 2007, 02:02 PM »
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A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the chalkboard and writes, "You assh**e, I'm drowning."

lmao reminds me of someone Rolling Eyes
[ Last edit by ColdMarek November 19, 2007, 02:03 PM ] IP Logged
Mark
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #31 on: November 19, 2007, 02:18 PM »
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Quote from: ColdMarek on November 19, 2007, 02:00 PM
A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says, "You want to play 'Magic'?" She says, "What's that?" He says, "We go to my house and f**k, and then you disappear."
lmao Most of the male population play 'magic' me thinks lol

Quote from: ColdMarek on November 19, 2007, 02:02 PM
A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the chalkboard and writes, "You assh**e, I'm drowning."
Not very funny.

[ Last edit by Mark November 19, 2007, 02:18 PM ] IP Logged
Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #32 on: November 19, 2007, 02:20 PM »
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Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. "The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis ... fifty times"
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Mark
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #33 on: November 19, 2007, 02:32 PM »
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Oh that's a gooden! lmao
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #34 on: November 19, 2007, 02:38 PM »
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A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.

Man: "What are you doing here today?"

Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."

Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. A couple months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.

Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"

Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #35 on: November 19, 2007, 02:47 PM »
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A man and a woman were celebrating their 50th anniversary. They were talking before their dinner about how they should celebrate their big evening. The woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed. Later that night at the table, the woman says, "Honey, my nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago." The man replies, "That's because they are sitting in your soup."
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Riverman
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #36 on: November 20, 2007, 10:50 AM »
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From the Daily News comes this story of a couple who drove to Asda, only to have their car break down in the car park. The husband told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.

On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis. Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.

On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The RAC mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead. Whistle
[ Last edit by JohnW November 20, 2007, 10:51 AM ] IP Logged
Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #37 on: November 20, 2007, 11:30 AM »
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 Think  confused



One Fall day, Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse, was a second hearse which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Bill. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well." Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, "Can I borrow your dog?" To which the man replied, "Get in line."
[ Last edit by ColdMarek November 20, 2007, 11:33 AM ] IP Logged
bestofbarry
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #38 on: November 20, 2007, 01:14 PM »
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What do you call an idiot?




Marek.
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Riverman
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #39 on: November 29, 2007, 02:58 PM »
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Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, 'Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.'

The first nun says, 'I want to be Sophia Loren.' And *poof* she's gone.

The second says, 'I want to be Madonna.'  *poof* she's gone too.

The third says, 'I want to be Sara Pipalini.'

St. Peter looks perplexed. 'Who?' he asks.

'Sara Pipalini.' replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, 'I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell.'

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says.

'No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months.'

 Whistle
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #40 on: November 29, 2007, 04:05 PM »
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lmao
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #41 on: December 07, 2007, 04:35 PM »
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A young virgin couple are finally wed. Each one is nervous about the impending night, but neither are willing to admit or ask each other about it. Wondering what to do first, the young man calls his father.

"Pop, what do I do first?"

"Get naked and climb into bed," his father replies.

So, the young man does as he is advised. The girl is mortified and calls her mama.

"Get naked and join him," is the advice from mama, so she complies.

After laying there for a few moments, the young man excuses himself and calls his dad again.

"What do I do?" he asks.

His father replies, "Look at her naked body. Then, take the hardest part of your body and put it where she pees!" is the dad's advice.

A few moments later, the girl again calls her mama. "What do I do now?" she asks.

"Well, what is he doing?" mama asks.

"He's in the bathroom, dunking his head in the toilet!"
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Mark
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #42 on: December 07, 2007, 06:46 PM »
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Nice one lmao
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Sir Panda
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #43 on: December 07, 2007, 07:53 PM »
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Roflcopters! roflmao
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Mark
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #44 on: December 07, 2007, 08:05 PM »
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Quote from: Sir Panda on December 07, 2007, 07:53 PM

Roflcopters! roflmao

Ahhh, the memories Very Happy
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