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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 48796 times)
eira_arian
John McEnroe
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #60 on: December 09, 2007, 11:27 AM »
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I think it's just playing on the general stereotype of the (apologies to all, I hate this phrase) 'thick Mick', isn't it? It doesn't have to be Homebase, it could just as easily be...a shoe shop, say?

(Or am I missing some deeper meaning??!)
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Yamor
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #61 on: December 09, 2007, 12:13 PM »
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I think you're right, that's all there is to it - it's "Irish" to try and buy sausages in a shop like Homebase...
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Quackers
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #62 on: December 09, 2007, 02:07 PM »
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I have a great Irish joke but its one you show not tell so it really wouldn't work on here.  lol

I remember the days of knowing loads of There was an Englishman, an Irishman and Scotsman jokes.  Now I don't know many.  Although I do have one that springs to mind and it goes like this ...


There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman and they were all trying out for the army.  They each had to go into a room one at a time where there was a beam of light shining from the ceiling onto the floor.  The General called the Englishman in first and said "I want you to climb up this beam of light" and the Englishman said "thats not possible, I can't climb a beam of light" and the General said "right your in".  The General called the Scotsman and said "I want you to climb up this beam of light" and the Scotman said "I can't do that, its climb a beam of light!" and the General said "right your in".  The General called the Irishman and said "I want you to climb up this beam of light" and the Irishman said "I can't do that ... I'll get half way up and you'll turn it off!!".

lol

And not being too mean against the Irish I have this one ....

There was an Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and an Amercian man and they where all standing on the cliffs of Dover.  The American man said to the Englishman "I bet you can't do this ..." and he jumped off the climb, went down, and came back up again and landed back on the cliff.  So the Englishman jumped off and ... splat!!  The American man said to the Irishman "I bet you can't do this ..." and he jumped off the climb, went down, and came back up again and landed back on the cliff.  So the Irishman jumped off and ... splat!!  Then the American man said to the Scotsman "I bet you can't do this ..." and he jumped off the climb, went down, and came back up again and landed back on the cliff.  So the Scotsman jumped off and ... splat!!  Then an Amercian woman came along and said "Superman, are you playing jokes on the British again?!"
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Tommy
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #63 on: December 09, 2007, 02:58 PM »
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There was an Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and an Amercian man and they where all standing on the cliffs of Dover.  The American man said to the Englishman "I bet you can't do this ..." and he jumped off the climb, went down, and came back up again and landed back on the cliff.  So the Englishman jumped off and ... splat!!  The American man said to the Irishman "I bet you can't do this ..." and he jumped off the climb, went down, and came back up again and landed back on the cliff.  So the Irishman jumped off and ... splat!!  Then the American man said to the Scotsman "I bet you can't do this ..." and he jumped off the climb, went down, and came back up again and landed back on the cliff.  So the Scotsman jumped off and ... splat!!  Then an Amercian woman came along and said "Superman, are you playing jokes on the British again?!"


 ban  


(lol)
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Quackers
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #64 on: December 09, 2007, 03:01 PM »
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My apologies, should I have said Northern Irishman? :p  Talk about political correctness Rolling Eyes lol
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Tommy
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #65 on: December 09, 2007, 03:03 PM »
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If you want. But, I would even disagree with that. lol

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Quackers
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #66 on: December 09, 2007, 03:04 PM »
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Fine, I've leave it the way it is :p
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Quackers
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #67 on: December 09, 2007, 03:13 PM »
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Dave Spikey on Wiganers ....

The Only reason pie's have holes in the top is so wiganers can carry 4 on one hand.

Every other shop in wigan is a pie shop - "Pie's R Us", "M F Pie", "W H Pie", "Thomas Cooks.....Pie"

Dave Spikey - "Excuse me, Is there a B&Q in Wigan?"
Wiganer - "Oh no, its just W.I.G.A.N.  i've lived here all my life and there's never been a B and Q in Wigan.......are you thinking of Bolton"
Dave Spikey - "Wheres the Q in Bolton?"
Wiganer - "Oh theres always a queue in Bolton"

Dave Spikey - "Excuse me mate, how do you get to the JJB?"
Another Wiganer - "My brother takes me"

Man pulls into a garage in Wigan "Have you got an airline?"
Wiganer - "Behave! We've not even got a bus station!"

roflmao roflmao roflmao roflmao roflmao

Dave Spikey rocks  
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eira_arian
John McEnroe
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #68 on: December 09, 2007, 03:43 PM »
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If you want. But, I would even disagree with that. lol


Am currently reading my many many pages of notes on the strategy of the Provisional IRA. I take a break, come on here, and what do I find? IRISH POLITICS!! Nooooo! Wink

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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #69 on: December 09, 2007, 07:09 PM »
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Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #70 on: December 09, 2007, 07:11 PM »
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A Scotsman goes into a brothel in Amsterdam one night and finds himself a pro$titute.

He asks her, "How much do yee charrrge forrrr an hourrr?"

" £100," she replies.

So he asks, "Okay, do yee do Scottish style?" She says "No!"

He then asks her, "I'll pay you £200 to do it Scottish style?"

She then says no, not knowing what Scottish style was!

So he then offers her £300.

Again she declines his offer.

So finally he says, "I'll give yee £500 to go Scottish style with me!"

Finally she agrees thinking, "Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years
now, I've been there and done that, had every kind of request from weirdo's from every corner of the world.

How bad could Scottish style be?"

So she goes ahead and has $ex with him, doing it in every kind of way and in every possible position.

Finally, after several intense hours......... they finish.

Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says,

"That was fantastic!! I've never enjoyed it so much!!

But I was expecting something perverted and disgusting!! Where does the
'Scottish style' come in?"

The Scotsman replies... "I'll pay ye next week!"

I dont get this one again
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #71 on: December 09, 2007, 07:11 PM »
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A couple who is already married to each other a little longer goes to bed. just at falling asleep the woman notices that her husband approaches her in a strangely tender way. He strokes along up to her hips over her neck, then along her shoulders and her back. He then touches very easily her breasts, glides with his hand over her belly and then strokes around her hips again. His hand glides along the outside of her right leg up to her ankle to stroke then at the inside of her leg. Then he does exactly the same with the other leg. Meanwhile, already quite excited the woman moans quietly and tries to make herself a little more comfortable. Her husband is breaking off abruptly at this moment and turns round on the other side of the bed.
"Why do you already stop my darling?" she whispers confused.

He, also whispering: "I have finally found the remote control!"
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Quackers
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #72 on: December 09, 2007, 07:13 PM »
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I dont get this one again


Its because Scots are stereotyped at being tight arses.
[ Last edit by alc.aka.amyc December 09, 2007, 07:17 PM ] IP Logged
Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #73 on: December 10, 2007, 04:49 PM »
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I have a great Irish joke but its one you show not tell so it really wouldn't work on here.  lol

I remember the days of knowing loads of There was an Englishman, an Irishman and Scotsman jokes.  Now I don't know many.  Although I do have one that springs to mind and it goes like this ...


There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman and they were all trying out for the army.  They each had to go into a room one at a time where there was a beam of light shining from the ceiling onto the floor.  The General called the Englishman in first and said "I want you to climb up this beam of light" and the Englishman said "thats not possible, I can't climb a beam of light" and the General said "right your in".  The General called the Scotsman and said "I want you to climb up this beam of light" and the Scotman said "I can't do that, its climb a beam of light!" and the General said "right your in".  The General called the Irishman and said "I want you to climb up this beam of light" and the Irishman said "I can't do that ... I'll get half way up and you'll turn it off!!".

lol

And not being too mean against the Irish I have this one ....

There was an Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and an Amercian man and they where all standing on the cliffs of Dover.  The American man said to the Englishman "I bet you can't do this ..." and he jumped off the climb, went down, and came back up again and landed back on the cliff.  So the Englishman jumped off and ... splat!!  The American man said to the Irishman "I bet you can't do this ..." and he jumped off the climb, went down, and came back up again and landed back on the cliff.  So the Irishman jumped off and ... splat!!  Then the American man said to the Scotsman "I bet you can't do this ..." and he jumped off the climb, went down, and came back up again and landed back on the cliff.  So the Scotsman jumped off and ... splat!!  Then an Amercian woman came along and said "Superman, are you playing jokes on the British again?!"



lmao
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Coldmarek
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #74 on: December 11, 2007, 03:56 PM »
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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why, of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks, "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds, "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of course," says the second.

Curious, the first asks, "Where in Ireland?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it, me too! Lets have another round of drinks to Dublin."

"Of course." The second man can't help himself so he asks, "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's", replies the first man. "I graduated in '62."

"This is becoming unbelievable!!!" the second man said.

About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's up?" he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replied the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again!"
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