Joke of the day

Caz

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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1530 on: January 15, 2013, 09:31 AM »

That was hilarious!


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ChrisMac

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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1531 on: January 15, 2013, 02:38 PM »

At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A retired Seabee, drunk and with a ragged dirty look, came to apply for the position. The director wondered how to send him away.

They gave him a glass of wine to taste.

The old Seabee tried it and said, "It's a Muscat three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable."

"That's correct," said the boss. "Another glass, please."

"It's a cabernet, eight years old, south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at eight degrees. Requires three more years for finest results."

"Absolutely correct. A third glass."

''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive,'' calmly said the drunk.

The director was astonished and winked at his secretary to suggest something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.

The old Seabee tried it.

"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father."


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Sabine

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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1532 on: January 15, 2013, 03:20 PM »

Love it Chris!!


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Coldmarek

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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1533 on: January 15, 2013, 11:51 PM »


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Aileen

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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1534 on: January 16, 2013, 04:23 AM »

Brilliant Chris!

Quote from: Coldmarek on January 15, 2013, 12:35 AM

I find this very amusing

Nearly wet myself at this. Very Happy

Shame really because ***** (a skier) is an attractive young woman -


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lashurst

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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1535 on: January 16, 2013, 09:02 PM »

Good joke that Aileen!


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Caz

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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1536 on: January 17, 2013, 06:03 AM »

That's a cracker Chris!


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ChrisMac

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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1537 on: January 18, 2013, 04:37 PM »

Register being read on the first day back at a school in Birmingham.

The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:-

“Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?” “Here”

“Achmed El Kabul?” “Here”

“Fatima Al Hayek? ” “Here”

“Ali Abdul Olmi?” “Here”

“Mohammed Bin Kadir?” “Here”

“Ali Son al En” – silence in the classroom.

“Ali Son al En” – continued silence as everyone looked around the room.

The teacher repeated the call.

A girl stood up and said, “Sorry teacher. I think that’s me. It’s pronounced Alison Allen.

--


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Aileen

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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1538 on: January 18, 2013, 09:01 PM »

Thanks Chris.


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Caz

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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1539 on: January 18, 2013, 09:29 PM »

Another cracker Chris!


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ChrisMac

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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1540 on: January 21, 2013, 06:39 AM »

Ed Miliband walks into a bank to cash a cheque. “Good morning”, says Ed, “could you please cash this cheque for me?”

Cashier: “It would be my pleasure Sir, but could you please show me some identification?”

Miliband: “Truthfully… I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. But hang on! I’m Ed Miliband, Leader of the Opposition and of the Labour Party!!!”

Cashier: ““Yes Sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers etc, I must insist on seeing some identification”.

Miliband: “Just ask any of the customers here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry Sir, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them”.

Miliband: “I am urging you please, to cash this cheque for me”.

Cashier: “Look Sir, this is what we can do. One day Colin Montgomery came into the bank without any ID. To prove he was Colin Montgomery he pulled out his putter and putted a ball along the floor and into a small cup. With that sort of skill we knew it was Colin Montgomery and we cashed his cheque. On another occasion, Andy Murray came in without any ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and lobbed a tennis ball straight into my teacup with such a spectacular shot that we all knew it was Andy Murray and we cashed his cheque. So Sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you, as the Leader of the Opposition?”

Ed Miliband stood there thinking and thinking and then finally says, “To be honest, there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single thing that I’m any good at.”

Cashier: “Will it be large or small notes you require Mr Miliband?”