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[Aileen]

Three men were hiking through a forest
When they came upon a large raging, violent river.

Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.’

POOF!!!
God gave him strong arms and strong legs
and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours,
having almost drowned twice!

After witnessing that, the second man prayed:
'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river.'

POOF!!!
God gave him a kayak and strong arms and strong legs
and he was able to row across the river in about an hour,
having only capsized once!

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength, the tools, and the intelligence to cross the river.'

POOF!!!
He was turned into a woman!

She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards upstream
and walked across the bridge.

[robbie]

Aye right .... map and women.....it just doesn't happen....that's the joke.

[scotnadian]

Shouldn't hurt.. it's just a little *****.

[ChrisMac]

A rugby league fan is drinking in a Yorkshire bar, when
he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning
from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for
everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given
birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
   
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25
pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies, 'That's
about average in Yorkshire... like I said, my boy's a
typical Yorkshire baby boy. Gonna be a rugby league player.'
Congratulations showered him from all around, amid
many exclamations of 'WOW!' One woman actually
fainted due to sympathy pains.
 
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender
says, 'Say, aren't you the father of that typical Yorkshire
baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth?
Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in
two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?'
 
 
The proud father answers, 'Twenty pounds.'
The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little
suspicious. 'What happened? He already weighed 25
pounds the day he was born!'
 
The Yorkshireman takes a slow swig of his Samuel Smith's Bitter Beer,
wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,
 
 
 
'Had him circumcised...'

[scotnadian]

HaHaHa Chris!
Maybe my previous post put you in mind of this joke.

[Aileen]

A drunk stumbles through the front door of a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender says, "No way buddy, you're too drunk."

A few minutes later the drunk comes in through the bathrooms,
and again he slurs, "Give me a drink".

The bartender says "No way man, I told you last time you're too drunk"

Five minutes later the guy comes in through the back door and demands a drink.
Again the bartender says, "You're too drunk."

The drunk scratches his head and says "Damn I must be... the last two places said the same thing."

[GangstaMurray]

When I went to lunch today, I noticed this lady about 70ish sitting on a park bench near J.C. Penny and she was sobbing her eyes
out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.

She said, "I have a 32 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground brewed coffee.

I said: "Well, then why are you crying?" She said: "he makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me half the afternoon."

I said: "Well so why are you crying?" She said: "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal and wine and my favorite desert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."

I said: "Well, why in the world would you be crying ?"

She said: "I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!!!!"