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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 39738 times)
Grabcopy
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1635 on: February 26, 2013, 08:21 PM »
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A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
 
... The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
 
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
 
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
 
The next day the grandmother died.
 
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say,

"God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.

He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter ?"
 
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
 
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!"
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robbie
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1636 on: February 26, 2013, 08:23 PM »
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Liking that Nige.roflmao
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ally
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1637 on: February 26, 2013, 08:28 PM »
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I love these jokes, keep them coming.
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Elly
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1638 on: February 26, 2013, 08:42 PM »
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Family are sat at the dinner table.  4 year old Sam cannot take his eyes off Grandma. 

Both parents are looking very uncomfortable.

Dessert is served and, still, wee Sam continues to stare at Grandma.

Mother can take it no longer.

SAM! Why are you staring like that?

'It's just not true what Dad says - Grandma doesn't have a brass neck'
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1639 on: February 27, 2013, 02:25 AM »
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lmao  lmao  Thanks Nigel and Elly.
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ChrisMac
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1640 on: February 28, 2013, 04:29 PM »
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  lmao  Nice, thanks Nigel and Elly!
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ChrisMac
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1641 on: February 28, 2013, 04:46 PM »
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THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER...

Judy got married and had 13 children. Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer.

She married again, and she and Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.

Judy again remarried, and this time, she and John had 5 more children.


Judy finally died, after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together."


Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret..........


"Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"

Margaret replied, "I think he means her legs, Ethel . . Her legs."
 
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1642 on: February 28, 2013, 06:17 PM »
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lmao  Thanks Chris.
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Caz
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1643 on: March 01, 2013, 03:39 PM »
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 lmao lmao lmao Only just caught up on several pages of jokes and laughed at all of them! Thanks to everyone!
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Sabine
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1644 on: March 01, 2013, 05:16 PM »
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Thanks Chris, Elly and Nigel....fantastic stuff. lmao
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ChrisMac
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1645 on: March 04, 2013, 12:17 PM »
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TRUE LOVE

I told her : "I might not be rich, I have no money or villa or cars or companies like my friend John, but I love you and adore you.
"She looked at me with tears in her eyes and hugged me like there is no tomorrow and
whispered in my ear... : "If you love me, introduce me to John..."
 
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Sabine
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You mesmerize me, Andy
Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1646 on: March 04, 2013, 12:18 PM »
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Quote from: ChrisMac on March 04, 2013, 12:17 PM
TRUE LOVE

I told her : "I might not be rich, I have no money or villa or cars or companies like my friend John, but I love you and adore you.
"She looked at me with tears in her eyes and hugged me like there is no tomorrow and
whispered in my ear... : "If you love me, introduce me to John..."
 

lol
I expected her to say that!
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1647 on: March 04, 2013, 07:04 PM »
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Nice one Chris. Very Happy
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1648 on: March 10, 2013, 05:02 AM »
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A man walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie
for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price -
the more see-through, the higher the price.

He opts for the sheerest item, a nightie, pays the £150 and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs put it on and
model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks 'I have an idea. It's so see-through that it might
as well be nothing.

I won't put it on - do the modelling naked, return it tomorrow and get
a £150 refund and keep the money for myself'.

So she appears naked before him at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.

The astonished husband says 'Stone me, it wasn't that creased in the shop!'

His funeral is this Thursday.
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Caz
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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!
Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1649 on: March 10, 2013, 10:58 AM »
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 lmao lmao Thanks Chris and Aileen.......I needed a larf!
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