Home Search Calendar Help Login Register
Did you miss your activation email?
Andy Murray vs Jurgen Melzer, Wednesday, Time TBA - Discuss the match
MurraysWorld Discussions  >  General Community  >  Chit Chat  >  Joke of the day 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic. « previous next »
Pages: 1 ... 111 112 113 [114] 115 116 117 ... 133 Go Down Reply
Author

Joke of the day

 (Read 55827 times)
Sabine
Veteran
******
Posts: 8,720

Gender: Female


^_^

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1695 on: April 14, 2013, 02:26 PM »
Reply

^^ Long since I had a nice laugh. lmao
Thanks Ail!
IP Logged
Coldmarek
Top Seed
*****
Posts: 5,148

Gender: Female
Location: Grays, Essex


Andy Murray is better than you.

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1696 on: April 15, 2013, 11:12 AM »
Reply

I've just been sacked from my new job in the Wines and Spirits section at Tesco. An Eastern European came in and asked if I could recommend a good port. I said “Try Dover”.

I love when englishmen tell me things like this.
IP Logged
Fiverings
ATP Level
***
Posts: 2,635

Gender: Male
Location: Ayrshire


Andy Murray - Tennis Legend

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1697 on: April 15, 2013, 08:41 PM »
Reply

Heard a new twist on the old "senior moment" gag today. The young waitress bringing our lunch in the pub mixed mine and my wife's up, and apologised, saying she'd had a "blonde moment" . New one on me, and I appreciated the inter-generational twist!
IP Logged
Elly
Murraymaniac
**********
Posts: 28,796

Gender: Female
Location: The Heart of Shallowville


The mind doubts, but the heart never does.

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1698 on: April 15, 2013, 08:49 PM »
Reply

Heard a new twist on the old "senior moment" gag today. The young waitress bringing our lunch in the pub mixed mine and my wife's up, and apologised, saying she'd had a "blonde moment" . New one on me, and I appreciated the inter-generational twist!
Nope - not funny...  Frown
IP Logged
Aileen
Murraymaniac
**********
Posts: 35,762

Gender: Female
Location: Edinburgh


Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1699 on: April 15, 2013, 09:15 PM »
Reply

^ I take it you don't appreciate blonde jokes?  I thought it was quite amusing.
IP Logged
Connor
Grand Slam Champion
********
Posts: 15,930

Gender: Male
Location: Great Britain


The great British player will be back!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1700 on: April 15, 2013, 09:15 PM »
Reply

^ I take it you don't appreciate blonde jokes?  I thought it was quite amusing.

Me too.
IP Logged
Elly
Murraymaniac
**********
Posts: 28,796

Gender: Female
Location: The Heart of Shallowville


The mind doubts, but the heart never does.

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1701 on: April 15, 2013, 09:19 PM »
Reply

^ I do appreciate Blonde jokes - just didn't get it.  Not like me!  Very Happy
IP Logged
Aileen
Murraymaniac
**********
Posts: 35,762

Gender: Female
Location: Edinburgh


Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1702 on: April 15, 2013, 09:50 PM »
Reply

^ Ah yer slippin' in yer auld age Elly. lol
IP Logged
Elly
Murraymaniac
**********
Posts: 28,796

Gender: Female
Location: The Heart of Shallowville


The mind doubts, but the heart never does.

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1703 on: April 15, 2013, 09:51 PM »
Reply

^ Ah yer slippin' in yer auld age Elly. lol
Ken!  It's the drugs!  Very Happy
IP Logged
Coldmarek
Top Seed
*****
Posts: 5,148

Gender: Female
Location: Grays, Essex


Andy Murray is better than you.

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1704 on: April 15, 2013, 10:18 PM »
Reply

Heard a new twist on the old "senior moment" gag today. The young waitress bringing our lunch in the pub mixed mine and my wife's up, and apologised, saying she'd had a "blonde moment" . New one on me, and I appreciated the inter-generational twist!

You forgot the gag.
IP Logged
ChrisMac
World No 1
*******
Posts: 12,108

Gender: Female


Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1705 on: April 16, 2013, 11:06 AM »
Reply

> DIALOGUE BETWEEN A LADY INTERVIEWER WITH A MALE BEER DRINKER:
>
> Lady Interviewer:  Do you drink every day?
>
> Man:  Yes.
>
> Lady Interviewer:  How much a day?
>
> Man:  Around 3 six-packs starting at noon.
>
> Lady Interviewer:  How much does a 6-pack cost?
>
> Man:  Roughly $10.00 at a deli.
>
> Lady Interviewer:  And how long have you been drinking like that?
>
> Man:  15 years.
>
> Lady Interviewer:  So with a six-pack costing $10.00, and you consuming 3 six-packs a day, you are spending roughly $900 each month.  In one year, you would then be spending $10,800, correct?
>
> Man:  Correct.
>
> Lady Interviewer:  If in 1 year you spend $10,800 on beer, not accounting for inflation, 15 years puts your spending roughly $162,000; correct?
>
> Man:  Correct.
>
> Lady Interviewer:  Did it ever occur to you that if you did not drink for the last 15 years, you could have bought a Ferrari?
>
> Man:  Do you drink?
>
> Lady Interviewer:  No.
>
> Man:  So where's your fuckin' Ferrari?




--
IP Logged
ChrisMac
World No 1
*******
Posts: 12,108

Gender: Female


Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1706 on: April 16, 2013, 11:10 AM »
Reply

THE MIRACLE OF  TOILET    PAPER

 

Fresh from my shower, I  stand in front of the mirror complaining    to my

husband that my breasts  are too small. Instead of    characteristically

telling me it's not so, he  uncharacteristically comes up    with a suggestion.

 

"If you want your breasts  to grow, then every day    take a piece of toilet

paper and rub it between  them for a few seconds."    Willing to try anything,

I fetch a piece of toilet  paper and stand in front    of the mirror, rubbing

it between my breasts.  "How long will this take?" I    ask.

 

"They will grow larger  over a period of years," my husband    replies.

 

I stopped. "Do you really  think rubbing a piece of toilet    paper between my

breasts every day will  make my breasts larger over the    years?"

 

Without missing a beat he  says, "Worked for your butt, didn't    it?"

 

He's still alive, and with  a great deal of therapy he may even    walk again,

although he will probably  continue to take his meals through a    straw.

 

Stupid,  stupid    man



IP Logged
Aileen
Murraymaniac
**********
Posts: 35,762

Gender: Female
Location: Edinburgh


Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1707 on: April 16, 2013, 12:29 PM »
Reply

lmao Nice ones Chris.
IP Logged
Coldmarek
Top Seed
*****
Posts: 5,148

Gender: Female
Location: Grays, Essex


Andy Murray is better than you.

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1708 on: April 17, 2013, 04:46 PM »
Reply

ahaha lol
IP Logged
Grabcopy
Veteran
*
Posts: 7,194

Gender: Male
Location: Catatonia


I know I'm paranoid. But am I paranoid enough?

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1709 on: April 17, 2013, 05:44 PM »
Reply

 In church I heard a lady in the pew next to me saying a prayer.
It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you:-
 
 
"Dear Lord,
 
This has been a tough two or three years.
 
You have taken my favourite actor Patrick Swayze.
 
My favourite musician Michael Jackson.
 
My favourite Blues Singer Amy Winehouse.
 
My favourite actress Elizabeth Taylor.
 
And now my favourite singer Whitney Houston.
 
I just wanted you to know that my favourite politicians are Ed Miliband, Tony Blair, Nick Clegg, Ed Balls, Gordon Brown, John Bercow, & David Cameron.
IP Logged
Pages: 1 ... 111 112 113 [114] 115 116 117 ... 133 Go Up Reply 
« previous next »