Andy Murray vs Kevin Anderson, Tuesday, Estimated time - 7:30pm BST - Discuss the match
MurraysWorld  >  Chit Chat  >  Joke of the day
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Joke of the day

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^^ Long since I had a nice laugh. lmao
Thanks Ail!
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I've just been sacked from my new job in the Wines and Spirits section at Tesco. An Eastern European came in and asked if I could recommend a good port. I said “Try Dover”.

I love when englishmen tell me things like this.
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Heard a new twist on the old "senior moment" gag today. The young waitress bringing our lunch in the pub mixed mine and my wife's up, and apologised, saying she'd had a "blonde moment" . New one on me, and I appreciated the inter-generational twist!
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Heard a new twist on the old "senior moment" gag today. The young waitress bringing our lunch in the pub mixed mine and my wife's up, and apologised, saying she'd had a "blonde moment" . New one on me, and I appreciated the inter-generational twist!
Nope - not funny...  Frown
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^ I take it you don't appreciate blonde jokes?  I thought it was quite amusing.
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^ I take it you don't appreciate blonde jokes?  I thought it was quite amusing.

Me too.
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^ I do appreciate Blonde jokes - just didn't get it.  Not like me!  Very Happy
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^ Ah yer slippin' in yer auld age Elly. lol
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^ Ah yer slippin' in yer auld age Elly. lol
Ken!  It's the drugs!  Very Happy
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Heard a new twist on the old "senior moment" gag today. The young waitress bringing our lunch in the pub mixed mine and my wife's up, and apologised, saying she'd had a "blonde moment" . New one on me, and I appreciated the inter-generational twist!

You forgot the gag.
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> DIALOGUE BETWEEN A LADY INTERVIEWER WITH A MALE BEER DRINKER:
>
> Lady Interviewer:  Do you drink every day?
>
> Man:  Yes.
>
> Lady Interviewer:  How much a day?
>
> Man:  Around 3 six-packs starting at noon.
>
> Lady Interviewer:  How much does a 6-pack cost?
>
> Man:  Roughly $10.00 at a deli.
>
> Lady Interviewer:  And how long have you been drinking like that?
>
> Man:  15 years.
>
> Lady Interviewer:  So with a six-pack costing $10.00, and you consuming 3 six-packs a day, you are spending roughly $900 each month.  In one year, you would then be spending $10,800, correct?
>
> Man:  Correct.
>
> Lady Interviewer:  If in 1 year you spend $10,800 on beer, not accounting for inflation, 15 years puts your spending roughly $162,000; correct?
>
> Man:  Correct.
>
> Lady Interviewer:  Did it ever occur to you that if you did not drink for the last 15 years, you could have bought a Ferrari?
>
> Man:  Do you drink?
>
> Lady Interviewer:  No.
>
> Man:  So where's your fuckin' Ferrari?




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THE MIRACLE OF  TOILET    PAPER

 

Fresh from my shower, I  stand in front of the mirror complaining    to my

husband that my breasts  are too small. Instead of    characteristically

telling me it's not so, he  uncharacteristically comes up    with a suggestion.

 

"If you want your breasts  to grow, then every day    take a piece of toilet

paper and rub it between  them for a few seconds."    Willing to try anything,

I fetch a piece of toilet  paper and stand in front    of the mirror, rubbing

it between my breasts.  "How long will this take?" I    ask.

 

"They will grow larger  over a period of years," my husband    replies.

 

I stopped. "Do you really  think rubbing a piece of toilet    paper between my

breasts every day will  make my breasts larger over the    years?"

 

Without missing a beat he  says, "Worked for your butt, didn't    it?"

 

He's still alive, and with  a great deal of therapy he may even    walk again,

although he will probably  continue to take his meals through a    straw.

 

Stupid,  stupid    man



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lmao Nice ones Chris.
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ahaha lol
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 In church I heard a lady in the pew next to me saying a prayer.
It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you:-
 
 
"Dear Lord,
 
This has been a tough two or three years.
 
You have taken my favourite actor Patrick Swayze.
 
My favourite musician Michael Jackson.
 
My favourite Blues Singer Amy Winehouse.
 
My favourite actress Elizabeth Taylor.
 
And now my favourite singer Whitney Houston.
 
I just wanted you to know that my favourite politicians are Ed Miliband, Tony Blair, Nick Clegg, Ed Balls, Gordon Brown, John Bercow, & David Cameron.
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