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Joke of the day

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Grabcopy
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I know I'm paranoid. But am I paranoid enough?

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1755 on: July 25, 2013, 06:19 PM »
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Nurses aren't supposed to laugh... 
"Of course I won't laugh," said the  nurse. "I'm a professional. In over
twenty years I've never laughed at a  patient..."
"Okay then," said Bob, and he  proceeded to  drop his trousers, revealing
the smallest male part  the nurse had ever seen.   In length and width was
almost  identical to a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the nurse  tried to stop a giggle, but it just
came out... And then she started  laughing at the fact that she was
laughing.  Feeling very bad that she had laughed at the man's part, she
composed herself as well as  she could. "I am so sorry," she said.. "I don't
know what came over me.  On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise that
won't happen again.  Now, tell me, what seems to be the  problem?"
"It's swollen," Bob  replied.
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1756 on: July 25, 2013, 08:20 PM »
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lmao  Nice one Nigel!
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Caz
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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1757 on: July 26, 2013, 02:24 PM »
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Nurses aren't supposed to laugh... 
"Of course I won't laugh," said the  nurse. "I'm a professional. In over
twenty years I've never laughed at a  patient..."
"Okay then," said Bob, and he  proceeded to  drop his trousers, revealing
the smallest male part  the nurse had ever seen.   In length and width was
almost  identical to a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the nurse  tried to stop a giggle, but it just
came out... And then she started  laughing at the fact that she was
laughing.  Feeling very bad that she had laughed at the man's part, she
composed herself as well as  she could. "I am so sorry," she said.. "I don't
know what came over me.  On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise that
won't happen again.  Now, tell me, what seems to be the  problem?"
"It's swollen," Bob  replied.

  roflmao Thanks Nigel!
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ChrisMac
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1758 on: July 26, 2013, 03:14 PM »
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Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...  
"Of course I won't laugh," said the  nurse. "I'm a professional. In over
twenty years I've never laughed at a  patient..."
"Okay then," said Bob, and he  proceeded to  drop his trousers, revealing
the smallest male part  the nurse had ever seen.   In length and width was
almost  identical to a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the nurse  tried to stop a giggle, but it just
came out... And then she started  laughing at the fact that she was
laughing.  Feeling very bad that she had laughed at the man's part, she
composed herself as well as  she could. "I am so sorry," she said.. "I don't
know what came over me.  On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise that
won't happen again.  Now, tell me, what seems to be the  problem?"
"It's swollen," Bob  replied.



 lmao lmao Brilliant!
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1759 on: July 27, 2013, 03:34 AM »
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THE DEAD COW LECTURE

First-year students at the Purdue Vet School were attending their first anatomy class
with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In veterinary medicine it is necessary to
have two important qualities as a doctor.

The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body."

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow,
withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking
a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said,

"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on
 my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."
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Caz
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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1760 on: July 27, 2013, 06:57 AM »
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 lmao lmao Brilliant Aileen.......Wonder if that really happened? I wouldn't be surprised!  w00t
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1761 on: July 28, 2013, 02:51 AM »
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lmao lmao Brilliant Aileen.......Wonder if that really happened? I wouldn't be surprised!  w00t
I've a feeling it's a true story, particularly as the name of the vet school is mentioned.
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1762 on: July 30, 2013, 06:47 PM »
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HIGH SCHOOL BIOLOGY TEST

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'.
The question was worth 70 points or none at all.

One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

However, he wrote:

         1)            
         It is perfect formula for the child.

         2)            
         It provides immunity against several diseases.

         3)            
          It is always the right temperature.

         4)            
         It is inexpensive.

         5)            
         It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.

         6)            
         It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck.

Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end
of the test, he wrote:

         7)
         It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough
         off the ground where the cat can't get it.

He got an A.
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Caz
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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1763 on: July 31, 2013, 03:10 PM »
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 lmao I love these 'true' ones Aileen!
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Ruthie
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Touch the sky - and touch it he did.

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1764 on: July 31, 2013, 10:21 PM »
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This isn't a joke as such but it's a cartoon in today's Guardian that mentions Andy:

http://www.theguardian.com/society/cartoon/2013/jul/30/clare-in-the-community-own-goal
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1765 on: August 01, 2013, 12:00 AM »
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This isn't a joke as such but it's a cartoon in today's Guardian that mentions Andy:

http://www.theguardian.com/society/cartoon/2013/jul/30/clare-in-the-community-own-goal
lol  I like that!

Did you see this cartoon as well, which I noticed in The Guardian online -

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/cartoon/2013/jul/08/steve-bell-andy-murray-wimbledon-knighthood?CMP=twt_gu
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Ruthie
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Touch the sky - and touch it he did.

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1766 on: August 01, 2013, 09:24 AM »
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lol  I like that!

Did you see this cartoon as well, which I noticed in The Guardian online -

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/cartoon/2013/jul/08/steve-bell-andy-murray-wimbledon-knighthood?CMP=twt_gu
Yes I think I posted that somewhere at the time Aileen - it's great.   A laminated copy now has pride of place on my fridge door under the Olympic stamps.
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Caz
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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1767 on: August 01, 2013, 12:10 PM »
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 lmao The cartoons are great girls!
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Aileen
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Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1768 on: August 01, 2013, 03:42 PM »
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Yes I think I posted that somewhere at the time Aileen - it's great.   A laminated copy now has pride of place on my fridge door under the Olympic stamps.
I must have missed it but I'm glad I found it.  Brilliant!
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Ruthie
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Touch the sky - and touch it he did.

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1769 on: August 01, 2013, 04:59 PM »
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isn't it just  yay
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