next »

[scotnadian]

Hey Nige.. in case you missed it in the match thread, as far as I'm concerned this is The Joke Of The Day

Take a bow, Sir!

TROLOLOLOLOLOLOL  SAM GORE BELIEVED THE APRIL FOOLS LMAO.

Haha - comm (Sam Gore?) asking - what's this about a boxing match!

HAHAHA.. my commies just said Andy was going to do an exhibition boxing match for charity. They'd heard that somewhere in the UK.

Nigel!!!

Yes I heard him.  Couldn't believe it!

lol even that Lendl is not happy about it

Maybe he doesn't pay as much attention as we do.

Nigel will love it.

[ChrisMac]

In church I heard a lady in the pew next to me saying a prayer.
It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you:-
 
 
"Dear Lord,
 
This has been a tough two or three years.
 
You have taken my favourite actor Patrick Swayze.
 
My favourite musician Michael Jackson.
 
My favourite Blues Singer Amy Winehouse.
 
My favourite actress Elizabeth Taylor.
 
And now my favourite singer Whitney Houston.
 
I just wanted you to know that my favourite politicians are Ed Miliband, Tony Blair, Nick Clegg, Ed Balls, Gordon Brown, John Bercow, & David Cameron.

  Love it!

[ChrisMac]

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You *******!"
The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten *******!"
The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom. "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"
Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that arsehole, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

[Aileen]

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had
really had a bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came
home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere.
So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over
the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell,
but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him.
The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the
second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my
ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below,
but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer.
Luckily I landed in some bushes. But then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me and killed me.

St. Peter chuckled, but decided he had indeed been very unfortunate and allowed him to enter heaven.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

[ChrisMac]

  Love it Aileen!!