Home Search Calendar Help Login Register
Did you miss your activation email?
MurraysWorld Discussions  >  General Community  >  Chit Chat  >  Joke of the day 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic. « previous next »
Pages: 1 ... 128 129 130 [131] Go Down Reply
Author

Joke of the day

 (Read 51837 times)
Caz
Murraymaniac
**********
Posts: 21,541


I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1950 on: June 14, 2014, 10:34 AM »
Reply

 lmao Brilliant Nigel! I'll be keeping those for future reference!  Whistle
IP Logged
Aileen
Murraymaniac
**********
Posts: 34,008

Gender: Female
Location: Edinburgh


Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1951 on: June 15, 2014, 01:51 AM »
Reply

lol  I really enjoyed those too Nigel.  Thanks!
IP Logged
Aileen
Murraymaniac
**********
Posts: 34,008

Gender: Female
Location: Edinburgh


Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1952 on: June 16, 2014, 01:02 AM »
Reply

A man started a new job at a zoo. He was given his first job by
the zoo owner – to clean out the large tropical fish tank, which
contained many exotic species.

While removing some gravel from the tank with his spade, he
accidentally hit one of the fish and killed it. Worried about losing
his job for this mistake, he decided to hide the evidence. He took
the fish and fed it to the lions because lions eat anything.

The zoo owner did not notice the missing fish and gave the man a
new job – to muck out the chimps. He was in the middle of mucking
out when two of the chimps became a bit over familiar and, in an
attempt to get them away the man lashed out with his spade, killing
two chimps. In his panic he decided to hide the evidence and fed
the unfortunate chimpanzees to the lions because lions eat anything.

The zoo owner was pleased with the man’s work and as his final task
for the day he asked him to collect honey from the zoo’s beehives. The
man tried hard to do this without upsetting the bees, but some got
angry and stung him. He grabbed his spade and whirled it above his head,
squashing and killing several dozen bees. Plagued with guilt, he fed
these to the lions as well because lions eat anything.

The next day, a new lion arrived at the zoo. He enquired of the existing
residents “What’s the food like here?”  One of the zoo’s resident lions said,
“Oh, it’s great. Only yesterday we had fish, chimps and mushy bees.”
IP Logged
Caz
Murraymaniac
**********
Posts: 21,541


I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1953 on: June 16, 2014, 07:39 AM »
Reply

 lmao Didn't expect that Aileen! Nice one!
IP Logged
Grabcopy
Top Seed
*
Posts: 6,918

Gender: Male
Location: Catatonia


I know I'm paranoid. But am I paranoid enough?

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1954 on: June 23, 2014, 09:22 PM »
Reply



> As Air Force One
> arrives at Heathrow Airport , President Obama strides out to
> a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.
>
> They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central
> London , where they change to a magnificent 17th century
> carriage hitched to six white horses.
>
>
> They continue on towards Buckingham Palace , waving to the
> thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.
>
> Suddenly, the right rear horse lets out the most horrendous
> earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire .
>
>
> The smell is so atrocious that both passengers in the
> carriage, must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart
> shakes the coach, but, the two dignitaries of
> State do their best to ignore the incident.
>
> The Queen politely turns to President Obama and says:
>
> "Mr President, please accept my deepest regrets... I am
> sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen
> cannot control."
>
>
> Obama, always trying to be "Presidential,"
> responded:
>
> "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another
> thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of
> the horses!
IP Logged
Fiverings
ATP Level
***
Posts: 2,198

Gender: Male
Location: Ayrshire


Andy Murray - Tennis Legend

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1955 on: June 23, 2014, 09:48 PM »
Reply

^Sounds like a variant of " My Lord, we have forgot the fart"!
IP Logged
robbie
Top Seed
*****
Posts: 6,409



Your goals minus your doubts equal your reality

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1956 on: June 24, 2014, 07:58 AM »
Reply

Obama obviously does it in private on Air Force One.
IP Logged
Grabcopy
Top Seed
*
Posts: 6,918

Gender: Male
Location: Catatonia


I know I'm paranoid. But am I paranoid enough?

Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1957 on: July 23, 2014, 08:07 AM »
Reply


 
Three women went to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They got drunk and woke up in jail, only to find that
they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from
Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."
They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I just graduated from Indiana University School of Law, and I believe in the power of Justice to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."
They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Kentucky and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug that thing in."
IP Logged
Aileen
Murraymaniac
**********
Posts: 34,008

Gender: Female
Location: Edinburgh


Re: Joke of the day « Reply #1958 on: July 23, 2014, 09:18 PM »
Reply

lmao  lmao  Thanks Nigel!
IP Logged
Pages: 1 ... 128 129 130 [131] Go Up Reply 
« previous next »