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The Phobia Thread.

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Connor
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Re: The Phobia Thread. « Reply #15 on: February 06, 2013, 07:18 AM »
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You have my deepest sympathy Gangsta because I was very self-conscious and painfully shy when I was a youngster.  I don't think though that I was afraid of making a fool of myself so much as the fact that I didn't think I was as good as everyone else and so therefore was a failure.  My friends at school were all much prettier, smarter and cleverer than I was - which of course was a load of boll**ks, only I couldn't see it.  My confidence though did begin to grow once I started working, although why I'm not sure, but maybe it was just part of the maturing process, and some people mature at a slower rate than others.

But as Elly says, everyone makes fool of themselves from time to time.  The best way to deal with it is to laugh at yourself, which I admit isn't always easy.  However it's now a form of self-preservation for me because I can be absent-minded and forgetful at times and also regularly get 10p, 20p and £1 coins mixed up and give shop assistants the wrong money, so thank goodness for self-checkouts and debit cards!
Again, failure is nothing to be ashamed of.  Some of the world's most famous and successful people experienced many failures before they finally reached their goals - and Andy is a good example of that too.  It's better to have failed than to not have tried at all because we can learn from our failures.  Maybe though you've been trying too hard to get out of what you perceive as being an insurmountable mental state and so perhaps have expectations of yourself, which, when you don't meet them by your standards, you get down on yourself, and then it all becomes a vicious circle?

I think your best course of action would be to talk to somebody about your social fears, if you haven't already done so, and work out a plan for dealing with them in the least stressful way possible.  It will still take courage and it won't happen overnight, but it's worth a try.  Some schools offer counselling services to pupils, so if your school has that then perhaps you could consider it.  Other than that is there a teacher or a close family friend or relative you could talk things over with?

Wise words Aileen, thanks Very Happy
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Aileen
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Re: The Phobia Thread. « Reply #16 on: February 06, 2013, 04:19 PM »
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Wise words Aileen, thanks Very Happy
I'm glad to have been of some help. Smile
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Sabine
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Re: The Phobia Thread. « Reply #17 on: February 06, 2013, 04:20 PM »
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I am actually the most self conscious child you would ever lay eyes on.

WHAT?????? shocking

Gangsta, you are self conscious????Really shocking for me cuz you seem to be very easy going and mix up with everyone.
And no worries, even though you irritate me with your silly posts, you do not make a fool of yourself hug
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Sabine
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Re: The Phobia Thread. « Reply #18 on: February 06, 2013, 04:23 PM »
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I've suffered from agoraphobia for 20 years, as well as the depression which caused it in the first place and which was brought on by very stressful circumstances.  A popular misconception is that this is just a fear of open spaces, but the word itself comes from the Greek "fear of the market-place", and its defining feature is acute and irrational anxiety about being in places from which escape might be, or is perceived to be, embarrassing or difficult or in which help might be unavailable, and this anxiety frequently causes very unplesant panic attacks, so the sufferer does everything possible to avoid being in such situations, even to the extent of becoming completely housebound.

Fortunately with the help of a psychologist and anxiety-reducing medication, which I still have to take, I got over the housebound stage in six months and gradual progress was made from there until I was able to lead something near a 'normal' life.  That life though is very restricted.  I can't just hop on a bus or train and go anywhere I would like to go, so that rules out travel beyond the city boundaries, nor can I go to the cinema or a concert, or socialise where big gatherings of people are involved - and take me away from a main bus route and the feelings of panic begin to kick in pretty quickly, although in that respect I bless the invention of the mobile phone because I know that, if the worst comes to the worst, I can always call for a taxi, something which in itself is reassuring.  Unfortunately for me I soon reached an age where it became clear that further progress was extremely unlikely, so I've just had to learn to live with it and make the best of what I have got, i.e. good physical health and all my faculties.

Aww Ail, I'm so happy you have made progress coping up with your phobia. hug
I dunno exactly how it is to suffer from a phobia and sincerely hope your phobia goes away for ever. Smile
[ Last edit by ZARFEEN15 February 06, 2013, 04:38 PM ] IP Logged
Aileen
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Re: The Phobia Thread. « Reply #19 on: February 06, 2013, 04:58 PM »
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WHAT?????? shocking

Gangsta, you are self conscious????Really shocking for me cuz you seem to be very easy going and mix up with everyone.
And no worries, even though you irritate me with your silly posts, you do not make a fool of yourself hug
Zarfeen, I know how Gangsta comes across in his posts, but we're talking here about the real world, not the virtual one.  It's easy to feel comfortable and be yourself on forums like this where nobody knows you, very often not even your real name, but it's a whole different thing when you have to go into the outside world and meet flesh and blood people face to face and connect with them whether it's at school, in the workplace, or socially - and that's where his, and many other people's, problems lie.     
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Connor
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Re: The Phobia Thread. « Reply #20 on: February 06, 2013, 04:59 PM »
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WHAT?????? shocking

Gangsta, you are self conscious????Really shocking for me cuz you seem to be very easy going and mix up with everyone.
And no worries, even though you irritate me with your silly posts, you do not make a fool of yourself hug

Irritate is too strong a word. I'm a born comedian.
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Aileen
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Re: The Phobia Thread. « Reply #21 on: February 06, 2013, 07:56 PM »
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Aww Ail, I'm so happy you have made progress coping up with your phobia. hug
I dunno exactly how it is to suffer from a phobia and sincerely hope your phobia goes away for ever. Smile
Thanks Zarfeen. hug  I truly hope and pray that you never do suffer from one.  Fear is natural when we're faced with a genuinely threatening or anxiety-inducing situation like, say, a burglar trying to break into the house, sitting an exam or going to the dentist.  It's when the threat is perceived and not real that the trouble starts, and all rationality goes out the window and panic sets in.

Irritate is too strong a word. I'm a born comedian.
You and Robbie both.  Rolling Eyes   Keep it coming though. Smile
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murray mad
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Re: The Phobia Thread. « Reply #22 on: February 06, 2013, 10:49 PM »
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I'm truly sorry to hear that MM, and I can understand how you feel when your grandad says that to you, because the one thing that used to really upset me (it doesn't now - just makes me feel a bit irritated) was when family and friends said "Why can't you just go and do ... [whatever]", like they thought I was being awkward or stupid.

I do hope that you're getting help with this problem, either through medication or, preferably, some other form of therapy.  Drugs can certainly help in the short-term but they aren't the ultimate solution, and you're too young to let something like this affect your life.
yeah thanks Smile I have just started therapy and I am on mitazapene to calm my anxiety, they even put me on diazepan short term, I suppose to begin with I was stubborn and thought it was just a phase I was going through but truth is you definitely need help, I may have lost most of my friends but it made me think who was really there for us and who just used me, I have now accepted the fact that I am ill and if anything it as made me more determined to be a stronger person when I get better, belief is there and it has to be otherwise you go nowhere. Smile.
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murray mad
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Re: The Phobia Thread. « Reply #23 on: February 06, 2013, 10:50 PM »
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hug  I so hope you manage to overcome this. x

Thankyou Elly Smile. I am trying my best! x
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Aileen
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Re: The Phobia Thread. « Reply #24 on: February 07, 2013, 12:05 AM »
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yeah thanks Smile I have just started therapy and I am on mitazapene to calm my anxiety, they even put me on diazepan short term, I suppose to begin with I was stubborn and thought it was just a phase I was going through but truth is you definitely need help, I may have lost most of my friends but it made me think who was really there for us and who just used me, I have now accepted the fact that I am ill and if anything it as made me more determined to be a stronger person when I get better, belief is there and it has to be otherwise you go nowhere. Smile.
I like your positivity MM.  Like you I refused to accept the fact that I needed help with depression and anxiety, although I had been prepared to seek help for agoraphobia - probably because I was literally stuck in the one place - only in my case it went on for years until I eventually ended up in a psychiatric hospital for seven months, which wasn't a very pleasant experience.  I'm glad that you're getting therapy as well as medication, and I was put on Mirtazapine too three months ago because the drug I'd been taking ever since I was discharged from hoispital was no longer helping me, in fact it seemed to be making the episodes of depression occur more frequently.  It's still early days but I do feel that it's started to make a difference both with regard to anxiety and depression, so I hope it works for you.  Don't feel down-hearted though if you don't get results quickly because medication like this can take a while to completely kick in, or if you have to stay on this medication for a year or longer - that's perfectly normal and it doesn't mean that you're still 'ill', simply that you have to keep taking these drugs for a while after you're feeling better in order to avoid a recurrence of the original problem. 

I'm also glad that you've been able to realise just exactly who your true friends are because I experienced the same thing, and it's far better to have a handful of close friends who you know genuinely care about you, who understand your problem, and who you can trust, than a wide circle of people who are little more than acquaintances. Also you will come through this a stronger person because you'll have discovered your own inner strengths, and the fact that you already have the belief and the determination will make that a lot easier.
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Re: The Phobia Thread. « Reply #25 on: February 07, 2013, 08:10 AM »
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Zarfeen, I know how Gangsta comes across in his posts, but we're talking here about the real world, not the virtual one.  It's easy to feel comfortable and be yourself on forums like this where nobody knows you, very often not even your real name, but it's a whole different thing when you have to go into the outside world and meet flesh and blood people face to face and connect with them whether it's at school, in the workplace, or socially - and that's where his, and many other people's, problems lie.    

Hmm, very true  Think
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Sabine
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Re: The Phobia Thread. « Reply #26 on: February 07, 2013, 08:13 AM »
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Irritate is too strong a word. I'm a born comedian.

A born comedian? lol
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murray mad
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Re: The Phobia Thread. « Reply #27 on: February 07, 2013, 07:17 PM »
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I like your positivity MM.  Like you I refused to accept the fact that I needed help with depression and anxiety, although I had been prepared to seek help for agoraphobia - probably because I was literally stuck in the one place - only in my case it went on for years until I eventually ended up in a psychiatric hospital for seven months, which wasn't a very pleasant experience.  I'm glad that you're getting therapy as well as medication, and I was put on Mirtazapine too three months ago because the drug I'd been taking ever since I was discharged from hoispital was no longer helping me, in fact it seemed to be making the episodes of depression occur more frequently.  It's still early days but I do feel that it's started to make a difference both with regard to anxiety and depression, so I hope it works for you.  Don't feel down-hearted though if you don't get results quickly because medication like this can take a while to completely kick in, or if you have to stay on this medication for a year or longer - that's perfectly normal and it doesn't mean that you're still 'ill', simply that you have to keep taking these drugs for a while after you're feeling better in order to avoid a recurrence of the original problem. 

I'm also glad that you've been able to realise just exactly who your true friends are because I experienced the same thing, and it's far better to have a handful of close friends who you know genuinely care about you, who understand your problem, and who you can trust, than a wide circle of people who are little more than acquaintances. Also you will come through this a stronger person because you'll have discovered your own inner strengths, and the fact that you already have the belief and the determination will make that a lot easier.
Amen to that! hit the nail on the head there Smile. You're right I would rather have 1 really good friend than loads of fake ones, it's about quality not quantity, Seems like you have had it tough but things can only get better, the only way is up as they say and when you have hit rock bottom you can't go any further down and that is why I am so positive cause I have the comfort of knowing I can now work from this and learn never to go back there, I have stopped drinking, stopped socializing and started working out more and I have found a new passion in dancing and I think if I didn't have this so called illness then that passion wouldn't of been there.

It's really good of you to comment Aileen and I hope you can reach your goals also, very best of luck Smile.
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Aileen
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Re: The Phobia Thread. « Reply #28 on: February 07, 2013, 09:43 PM »
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Amen to that! hit the nail on the head there Smile. You're right I would rather have 1 really good friend than loads of fake ones, it's about quality not quantity, Seems like you have had it tough but things can only get better, the only way is up as they say and when you have hit rock bottom you can't go any further down and that is why I am so positive cause I have the comfort of knowing I can now work from this and learn never to go back there, I have stopped drinking, stopped socializing and started working out more and I have found a new passion in dancing and I think if I didn't have this so called illness then that passion wouldn't of been there.

It's really good of you to comment Aileen and I hope you can reach your goals also, very best of luck Smile.
Thanks MM - and I wish you all the best too. Smile   I'm glad you've stopped drinking (apart from anything else alcohol does not mix well with your medication and could even be dangerous), and have found new interests.  Hopefully your social life will pick up again once you start feeling better, but at least you know who you want to socialise with.  You'll also make new friends through going to the gym and dancing, and ones with whom you have an interest in common.  I hope you keep on coming on MW though!  I've certainly found it's helped me a lot.
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Re: The Phobia Thread. « Reply #29 on: February 08, 2013, 02:57 PM »
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I used to have a phobia of death but it's more a less gone now because I've accepted that we all die at some point so no need to worry.

I guess my main phobia now is of spiders... Even at 20 years old I hate the vile bastards and get scared when I see them. But not as much as I used too. Used to have a fear of dogs but that went some how.
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