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eira_arian
John McEnroe
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'About Us' Section « on: July 01, 2007, 09:55 PM »
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I've never noticed it before - it's rather good Smile

However, small grammatical points (hope you don't mind, seeing as it is main content Wink )

MurraysWorld.com already began receiving traffic from around the world

I would say that 'MW.com had already begun to receive traffic from around the world' sounds better?

weeks later the website turned into a very friendly community that is now known for its non-fanboy-like objectiveness of everything Andy Murray.

How about - weeks later the website had turned into the very friendly community that is now renowned for its non-fanboy-like objectiveness about everything Andy Murray.

An agreement on this potential move was not made because soon after the talks, Andy Murray ended his contract with Octagon for a smaller agency called AceGroup.

I'd put 'However,' at the start of this sentence.

which is to provide to the fans not the player.

to provide for the fans, not the player Smile

I know I'm being annoying, I just like everything on here to be the best it can be!
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Neil
John McEnroe
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Re: 'About Us' Section « Reply #1 on: July 01, 2007, 09:58 PM »
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Disagree on the first one, because as much as it might sound better it's not MW.com is it.

and are we "renowned" or just infamous on AM.com Wink

Agree with the last two.
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eira_arian
John McEnroe
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Re: 'About Us' Section « Reply #2 on: July 01, 2007, 10:00 PM »
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MW.com was just an abbreviation - I was correcting the bit that came after it, if you'd care to read it properly :P
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Neil
John McEnroe
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Re: 'About Us' Section « Reply #3 on: July 01, 2007, 10:02 PM »
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Fair point, I'd have to read it in context.... I'll get back to you shortly...

Edit: yes agree with the proposed first change.

Also agree with the changing of "of" to "about" in the second, but not the word "renowned"
[ Last edit by nkp2 July 01, 2007, 10:05 PM ] IP Logged
Mark
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Re: 'About Us' Section « Reply #4 on: July 01, 2007, 10:23 PM »
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Thanks Laura and in all fairness to Neil, I also thought you were telling me to put MW.com but then I don't read thing carefully enough Smile
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Neil
John McEnroe
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Re: 'About Us' Section « Reply #5 on: July 01, 2007, 10:45 PM »
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Since we're picking up on things, In "The Team" section (which i;ve never looked at until today lol it says "joined" before every member of the mod and RTR team except for Julia.... Twice....
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Mark
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Re: 'About Us' Section « Reply #6 on: July 01, 2007, 10:53 PM »
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Quote from: nkp2 on July 01, 2007, 10:45 PM
Since we're picking up on things, In "The Team" section (which i;ve never looked at until today lol it says "joined" before every member of the mod and RTR team except for Julia.... Twice....
Well spotted Smile

Quote from: eira_arian on July 01, 2007, 09:55 PM
However, small grammatical points (hope you don't mind, seeing as it is main content Wink )
I've made all the changes, thanks Wink
[ Last edit by Mark July 02, 2007, 02:09 PM ] IP Logged
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