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fast_clay's match reviews

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Clydey
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fast_clay's match reviews « on: March 31, 2009, 10:56 PM »
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On Murray's win over Massu:

"all good Tradesmen have a formula... this one doesnt expend any unneccessary emotional energy early... he'd rather peak when the big jobs need doin towards the end of the week... thats how the big boys do it..."

On Murray's win over Troicki:

"The Tradesman didnt even have time to use his belt sander for that nice clean finish... an old set of flippers, a rusty fork and a toothpick was all that was required today... so many tools...

on another note... Mark Petchey has been pestering the guys on the Sky Sports sound desk to play with the 'echo' levels a bit to make murray's forehand sound bigger..."


On Murray looking ill:

"it is a national trait that many scots appear ill... a good percentage of those actually are psychologically ill... a larger percentage of those have it brought about through substance abuse... this should be taken into consideration when predicting how many grand slam murray will win..."


On the accuracy of Hawkeye after the Ljubicic match:

"that accuracy level drops to about 97.2% when Andy Murray or Alan Mackin are playing due to 'Mad Scot Factor'...

conversely, during matches involving Englishmen, accuracy increases to 100.00% as Hawkeye intimidated Tim Henman one time..."


On Murray starting tournaments slowly:

"playing ordinary in the early rounds is a trademark of The Tradesman..."


On me:

"Clydey sees all... he is not fooled... he can see through you... and me... Clydey can actually peer into your soul... but that's not all, he can even see through your soul... then he'll tell you what blood type you are or something.."

"mate... ummm... look, i dont want to scare you or anything... but, while Clydey is not actually logged on to MTF right now, he is sitting watching this thread page right now... only by this sheer power and strength of will was Murray able to force his way into this thread..."


On Murray's win over Ljubicic in Rotterdam:

"A good tradesman knows he doesnt need to bring a mig welder when its only a light bulb that needs changing... clock in, clock off, job done..."

On Murray's win over Granollers at AO 09:

"Murray did all that he needed to do without even looking at the belt sander in his tool bag...

The Tradesman is purpose built for two week grand slam action..."


On the exchange between Murray and Federer at the AO 09:

"i thought federer's comment was pretty much ok... cos, really, he was saying the truth... its just that the comeback from Murray was so expertly delivered, well, it has exposed federer's mentality as somewhere beneath murray... murray wins here... murray should play cricket where daily comments like this earn rich rewards..."


On tennis being introduced to the Scots:

"murray is bad for the sport... he is too good...

i think the bigger problem lay in the fact that the sport of tennis was brought to scotland in the first place... i mean... has anyone ever been to scotland...? no c*** knows what a fork and knife is up there... f***ing cannibals... to shave one of these barbarians down and teach it to speak and play tennis is one of the more f***ed episodes in the history of humankind...

totally unfair..."


On Murray's win over Federer in Doha:

The Tradesman only required a tooth pick and cheap set of steak knives to get the job done in set 2 and 3 here... complete carve up...

"... too easy to see that murray is only interested in one thing... and that is owning everyone wherever and whenever he can... ATP ehos, exho's MM tourneys... sooner or later, it'll be every other grand slam... this attitude will pay off...

altho, i gotta say, it was all too easy by the end of the match... no heart from fed at the end... highlander just punched through feds ribcage, ripped his heart out and ate it raw in front of the crowd..."


On Murray's win over Nadal in Abu Dhabi:

"I thought it was funny when Murray deliberately slowed down his second serves to help Nadal make a match of it. Claerly Murray held all the tools today and was the master of ceremonies in this exhibition."


"nadal will be hoping he doesnt draw murray in too many semis this season... otherwise his knees are gonna look like crab meat in double time... murray treats nadal pretty disrespectfully... retrieveing balls and putting them only just in reach time after time... its fantastic..."
[ Last edit by Clydey April 01, 2009, 12:14 AM ] IP Logged
Daisy
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Re: fast_clay's match reviews « Reply #1 on: April 01, 2009, 12:08 AM »
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Some of these are just amazing .......... what nationality is this guy?
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Clydey
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Re: fast_clay's match reviews « Reply #2 on: April 01, 2009, 12:12 AM »
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Some of these are just amazing .......... what nationality is this guy?

He's an Aussie.
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charlienomad
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Re: fast_clay's match reviews « Reply #3 on: April 01, 2009, 08:31 AM »
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"Clydey sees all... he is not fooled... he can see through you... and me... Clydey can actually peer into your soul... but that's not all, he can even see through your soul... then he'll tell you what blood type you are or something.."

lol  We all know it's true... nervous

i think the bigger problem lay in the fact that the sport of tennis was brought to scotland in the first place... i mean... has anyone ever been to scotland...? no c*** knows what a fork and knife is up there... f***ing cannibals... to shave one of these barbarians down and teach it to speak and play tennis is one of the more f***ed episodes in the history of humankind...

altho, i gotta say, it was all too easy by the end of the match... no heart from fed at the end... highlander just punched through feds ribcage, ripped his heart out and ate it raw in front of the crowd..."


 roflmao Epic! Very Happy
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janscribe
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Let's Go!!!

Re: fast_clay's match reviews « Reply #4 on: April 01, 2009, 09:47 AM »
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He's an Aussie.
  That figures - great sense of humour all of them - at least the ones I know!!  Many thanks for this super thread - not only funny but bang on the truth mark - nice to see he has ahealthy respect for you too!!
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Clydey
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Re: fast_clay's match reviews « Reply #5 on: April 01, 2009, 11:23 AM »
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lol  We all know it's true... nervous

 roflmao Epic! Very Happy

I'll find some more. lol
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Clydey
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Re: fast_clay's match reviews « Reply #6 on: April 01, 2009, 11:24 AM »
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  That figures - great sense of humour all of them - at least the ones I know!!  Many thanks for this super thread - not only funny but bang on the truth mark - nice to see he has ahealthy respect for you too!!

Our love of 80s action movies brought us together. Very Happy
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Elly
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Re: fast_clay's match reviews « Reply #7 on: April 01, 2009, 07:04 PM »
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lol  Very astute and humerous stuff in those - excellent!   He's definitely got your measure, J.  yes
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Clydey
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Re: fast_clay's match reviews « Reply #8 on: April 01, 2009, 07:27 PM »
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lol  Very astute and humerous stuff in those - excellent!   He's definitely got your measure, J.  yes

yes
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Clydey
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Re: fast_clay's match reviews « Reply #9 on: April 02, 2009, 12:19 PM »
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More from fast_clay.

Prior to theMurray-Federer TMC 08 match.

"Murray will bring a pair of pliers, 4 metres of barbed wire and a blowtorch and take to roger's ******** like the real tradesman he is... straight sets here..."


His thoughts on Murray-Simon at TMC 08.

"The Tradesman brought only a nail file and a half eaten tuna sandwich to work today. No further hardware required."

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Daisy
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Re: fast_clay's match reviews « Reply #10 on: April 02, 2009, 12:39 PM »
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What a  great imagination this guy has - really witty.  It's certainly making me SMILEALOT - keep 'em coming ....... whatever is he going to say after the Murray/Verdasco match I wonder !
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catherine87
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Re: fast_clay's match reviews « Reply #11 on: April 04, 2009, 07:54 PM »
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On Murray's win over Nadal in Abu Dhabi:

"I thought it was funny when Murray deliberately slowed down his second serves to help Nadal make a match of it..."


Wet myself! roflmao
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Clydey
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Re: fast_clay's match reviews « Reply #12 on: April 06, 2009, 03:04 AM »
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More from fast_clay.

"listen mate, a real tradesman doesn't wish for things to magically happen... he goes 'n' does 'em... he gets off his arse and makes them happen with his own bare hands... The Tradesman knows he needs to get paid at the end of the week... its called a f***ing job... The Tradesman would also like to see his opposition cry... (which Del Potro probably did shortly thereafter... as per usual...)"



Fast_clay on the demolition of Verdasco in Miami:

"you can leave your 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner at the door Fernando... Murray doesnt deal in hair care products... The Tradesman prefers to do business in the currency of Pain.."

Fast_clay on people complaining about Murray not being an attractive player to watch:

"no one should complain when the plumber takes 5 hours to clean out your sh!thouse then appears in your kitchen to say 'job done' whilst smelling of faeces... its the job that has to be done... today, Djokovic was so full of sh!t with that time out that he represented those same blocked up pipes the plumber was prepared to spend half his day cleaning out... make no mistake, it is a thing of beauty that The Tradesman was prepared to get ugly for as long as need be to get the job done today...

people need to start enjoying these industrious, workmanlike performances... bow down and submit to you new hardcourt overlord... the Celtic Warrior is surely a man of the people... surely Gordon Brown will soon align himself with Murray to improve flagging ratings... because he knows, as we all know deep down if we search our feelings:

The Tradesman is giving the people an honest days work..."


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Scottie
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Re: fast_clay's match reviews « Reply #13 on: April 06, 2009, 06:01 PM »
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Brilliant!
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Clydey
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Re: fast_clay's match reviews « Reply #14 on: April 06, 2009, 07:03 PM »
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Fast_clay on Murray's victory over Verdasco in Paris:

"this is the truth...

Murray only needed a chisel, a belt sander and half a roll of electrical tape to get the job done today... so, that is all the tools he brought with him...

Murray = Tradesman"


In reply to a poster who said that the only thing Federer has over Murray now is good hair:

"nothing advanced hair studios cant fix... pretty soon he'll be up there with warney and graham gooch every second ad break... he should also consult ricky hatton to help make him look more scottish, andy looks too pretty for a scot..."


On Murray's victory over Federer in Miami:

"well done andy murray... The Tradesman does a bit of overtime as The Locksmith... holding all the keys to the top 5 players atm..."
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