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PseudoFed

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Bevc
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I'd give up chocolate but I'm no quitter!

Re: PseudoFed « Reply #15 on: June 21, 2012, 10:07 AM »
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roflmao Brilliant!
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Caz
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I'd like to be the good person my dog thinks I am!

Re: PseudoFed « Reply #16 on: June 21, 2012, 11:48 AM »
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Ditto Bev!  lmao
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Grabcopy
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Re: PseudoFed « Reply #17 on: June 27, 2012, 11:15 AM »
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Backstage with Mr. Wimbledon

June 27, 2012 by pseudofedblog

Hello My great peoples!

Yesterday, 26 of the Junes 2012, was My rest day at the Wimbledon Championships after My first round match.

Every year you will be findings that us very top players (that win on blue clay H1STORY)) have a routines. This year I thought I should break this habit. So I dressed in a special disguises and mixed with you normal people in the grounds of the All of Britain Club, of the Law and Tennis Associations. I wanted to see how it felt to My fans. Here are My discoverings!

Upon entering the gate two men offered to look through My GOAT bag and give Me a security check. I agreed after a little fight. It’s a shame My friend David ‘Soprano’ Nalbandian has already left, he is a good one to have around in these situations.

It was a learning experience to see things from the other side of the periscopes. But let’s stick with the very important things:

1. The food was quite acceptable. I sampled everything I could within reasons. Critique? Yes. I discovered I could buy “Fish and Chips”, but not the chips alone. I also may have purchased a burger with the chips but again, these could not be separated. OK for meat eaters. But hardly appropriate for vegetable people.

2. Mr. Wimbledon has placed a generic statue as a gesture as if to say “reserved”. This will be replaced upon My retirement  with a bronze statue of Me.

3. Judy Murray (I don’t think she is related to Mr. Wimbledon) should be commended for her tireless work for tennis. Seriously, she is always there with her players and she doesn’t mind mixing with normal people (odd). She supported many players today as she is the top boss for one of My organisations, the Fed Cup. If the Queen does not honour her as Lady Judy Murray I would be willing to visit her palace in Buckingham and fire her.

4. Ivan Lentils was wearing very fashionable sun protection spectacles today. Firstly I was relieved. You see in Roland Garros Boris Becker came to one of My matches wearing extra large ones. So it was pleasing to see something so sharp on Mr. Lentils. At least it was not from 1976. I have a little doggy fan called Margaret Mayhem. She follows My tweeting account and I follow hers. She is no ordinary doggy. She has special access to Ivan so she has promised to find out the make of these glasses for My collection. If you’re not already following her humble tweetings please do: @maggiemay_hem

5. There is a part of Mr. Wimbledon’s garden that apparently used to be named after a player. He was from a long time ago when the world used to be in black and white and it was named, “Henman’s Hilltop”. After a short discussions one of My fans today renamed it, “Humble Hill” in My honour which I accept. So please refer to it as this from this moment onwards in time.

6. During the evening I walked passed Mr. Harmans. He is one of Britains finest and this year is celebrating his 25th Championships. His tweetings name is: @NeilHarmanTimes  - unfortunately we were both in a hurry so he did not get the pleasure of meeting Me. What did I learn from Mr. Harmans in such a short moment? Immaculately dressed, almost to My standards and also insists of mixing with the normal people (odd).

7. There are Wimbledon Shops where you are able to buy little gifts to remember the day you came to see Me. I encourage you to buy some mementos if you get the opportunities. However, they sell some tennis balls that are of an incorrect size. Do not try to play tennis with these please as they are the size of footballs.

I also noticed the shop items had price tags which surprised Me. I think this is because of the credit crunches and the degradable banks.

All in all this was a fun experience. Would I recommend you visit where Mr. Wimbledon lives? Yes. It’s certainly a lifetime ambition for each and every one of you, especially if I am playing. Would I recommend for someone to be a normal person? No.

Hugs
PF xxx
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Grabcopy
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Re: PseudoFed « Reply #18 on: June 27, 2012, 11:18 AM »
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I see PseudoFed has also rewritten Kipling's poem:

IF you can be Humble when all about You
Are losing theirs and blaming it on You,
If you can trust Yourself when  Tommy Haas beats You,
But make allowance for his age too;
If you can go 5 sets and not be tired by running,
Always remember, Your hair looks stunning,
Or being adored, give way to being adored,
And yet You look too good, and talk too wise:

If Goffin can dream – and realise I am his master;
If you can serve – but somehow not keep Your aim;
Playing on orange clay does not end with Triumph, but Disaster
Djokovic? Nadal? Treat those two imposters just the same;
You will be so happy to hear the truth I’ve spoken
My racquets are not only My art but My tools,
Watch the things I do on court, they are a little token,
The entire package is Me… Mr. Cools

I doubt you can ever make one tenth of all My winnings
You’ll never serve first, because I win the coin toss,
You’ll lose, and start again at your beginnings
And I will keep talking about your loss;
Many try to force Me into an error,
Little do they realise, I have a bag full (of unforced errors),
And so hold on, you know You’re the best,
Except you play Nadal, then You’re just like the rest Frown

I can talk with the crowds, tell them to ‘Shut up’,
I am your King – what is a common touch?
To a Serbian family I say tut-tut,,
All staff count on You, way too much;
Fire them quickly, within less than a minute,
Within sixty seconds I will make you run,
But not too fast, Chef says My dinner is on a skillet,
He says, eat it all up and You’ll be a GOAT, my son!
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Hazybear
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Re: PseudoFed « Reply #19 on: June 27, 2012, 11:24 AM »
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lmao
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Bevc
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I'd give up chocolate but I'm no quitter!

Re: PseudoFed « Reply #20 on: June 27, 2012, 11:28 AM »
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clap lmao 
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TheMadHatter
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Re: PseudoFed « Reply #21 on: June 27, 2012, 01:17 PM »
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Whenever I read PsuedoFed's blog I picture him as 'Zoolander' (anyone who has seen the film will know what I mean).
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backhandslice
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Re: PseudoFed « Reply #22 on: June 27, 2012, 03:41 PM »
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Dear Mr. Wimbledon. My FedBerry says 80% chance of rain tomorrow, could you put #Nadal on Crt1? I will give you a nudge and make the winks
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Hazybear
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Re: PseudoFed « Reply #23 on: June 27, 2012, 04:33 PM »
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Dear Mr. Wimbledon. My FedBerry says 80% chance of rain tomorrow, could you put #Nadal on Crt1? I will give you a nudge and make the winks

lol
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Aileen
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Re: PseudoFed « Reply #24 on: June 27, 2012, 04:47 PM »
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I see PseudoFed has also rewritten Kipling's poem:

lmao lmao lmao   Have just found this thread.  It's hilarious, but this poem has to be the best thing so far!
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Elena
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Re: PseudoFed « Reply #25 on: June 27, 2012, 05:10 PM »
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PseudoFed showing his support for Jamie Baker - he was tweeting during his visit to Wimbledon yesterday, telling Neil Harman  "I'm actually in court 1. In disguise, naturally" during the Roddick/Baker match

Today NH
I was somewhat looking forward to a possible meeting between Odesnik and Roddick (JB fans forgive me) but Phau bts Odesnik 6-4 in the 5th

PF reply
Odesnik and Roddick? Mr Harmans wash your mouth out with a capuccino! JB first

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backhandslice
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Re: PseudoFed « Reply #26 on: June 28, 2012, 01:06 PM »
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For all those going to the Wimbledon today, I am not playing, so just look around the shops and enjoy the grounds. ‪#humble‬

If the BBC commentators call @DjokerNole the "best player in the world" one more time I will get a staff member to shout Shut Up #humble

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scotnadian
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You (still) ain't seen nothing yet..

Re: PseudoFed « Reply #27 on: June 28, 2012, 01:16 PM »
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Love PseudoFed. Keep 'em coming guys. lmao
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backhandslice
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Re: PseudoFed « Reply #28 on: June 29, 2012, 07:27 AM »
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Dear Fun Fans!

What an evening! The emotions were running very high in My humble house tonight. Italia beat Angela Merkel (she is a German big boss lady) during the soccer matches and Rafael Nadal lost to Rosol in the finals of the 2nd round match in Wimbledon, 2012.

I have a little spring in My shoes and I am not sure why.

First of all commiserations to Mr. Nadal. We need to face the truth, this is a big loss to the Championships. But this does not mean it’s a bad thing. Every cloud has some linings. We must all stay calm and remember I am still in it. Obviously we must continue to have faith in Mr. Wimbledon. He put Rosol on Rafa’s side without Me asking. Merci. However, now I have seen him play I put on My thinking hats.

I told a member of staff to retreive My copy of the tennis rule book (1918 edition) and there are some issues I need to discuss with Mr. Wimbledon when I see him tomorrow. Namely:

- I have won Wimbledon before and have never received a bye to the final. Apparently this should have been implementations. Perhaps we can do this from tomorrow?

- Rosol may have to be disqualified because he hits the balls too fast. This is dangerous play and if he hits a line judge person their leg may bleed. I always tell the kids, “prevention is better than suppressing the symptoms”. Safety first. Disqualified.

- Mr. Wimbledon never did report back to Me as to why Andrew Murray has so many people in his team called “Murray”. No where in My book of rules does it actually say this is allowed. Disqualified.

-  I do not wish to be called a snitch person so I will say “my friend” says Novak Djokovic has two careers. I believe this is called the lighting up of the moon. He is a impersonation person but a very bad one. I saw on the television set that he had a blond fake hair and calling himself Maria. That’s not My name. That’s not My name. I view this as behaviour of the unsporting. Disqualified.

I know you will be upset but I have to cut this quickly. I have a match tomorrow and need to go to bed. For you fans lucky enough to be at Wimbledon I will be in disguise, mixing with the crowds before and after My match. I was so fascinated from this perspective on Tuesday I want to do it again on a day when I am playing so I can feel the atmosphere on Humble Hill!

If you’re very lucky you may just brush pass Me without even realizing.

Always your GOAT
xxx


Dear Mr Wimbledon, is there any chance @DjokerNole can be placed on @andy_murray side of the draw? ‪#justsaying‬

Member of staff just congratulated Me on being no.2 seed ‪#yourefired‬ ‪#offended‬

in rely to Judy Murray:  If you're very lucky you can Pimming with Me tomorrow ‪#cheeky‬ ;o)

Latest tweet  :  Apparently Gilles Simon looking for a new coach. Base salary + bonuses for men. For women an apron & free subscription to Good HouseKeeping
[ Last edit by johnkiernan35 June 29, 2012, 03:44 PM ] IP Logged
Aileen
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Re: PseudoFed « Reply #29 on: June 29, 2012, 03:29 PM »
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More brilliant stuff!  roflmao
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