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Bevc
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Alternative nursery rhymes (not PC) « on: November 23, 2007, 10:11:16 PM »

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall The structure of the wall was incorrect So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

It's Raining, It's Pouring. Oh sh!t, it's Global Warming.

Jack and Jill went into town To fetch some chips and sweeties. He can't keep his heart rate down And she's got diabetes.

Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides and everywhere that Mary went the boys could see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt 'twas split right up the front ...But she didn't wear that one often.

Mary had a little lamb her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the pie man 'What have u got there?' Said the pie man unto Simon 'Pies you d!ckhead!'

Mary had a little lamb it ran into a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its @rse and turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play he kissed them too cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun. Jill, the dill, forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass and grabbed her ass Now two of his teeth are missing.

Mary had a little lamb Its fleece was white and wispy. Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease And now it's black and crispy.

Whistle
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Miss Lady Amy
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Re: Alternative nursery rhymes (not PC) « Reply #1 on: November 23, 2007, 10:25:16 PM »

roflmao !!! What lovely nursery ryhmes.  I'll be sure to sing these to my nephews lol
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ljsmall
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Re: Alternative nursery rhymes (not PC) « Reply #2 on: November 25, 2007, 12:42:39 AM »

Love the simple simon one.
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Sarah_
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Re: Alternative nursery rhymes (not PC) « Reply #3 on: December 08, 2007, 03:57:05 PM »

Wierd! My Granda just told me some of these this morning!
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AL1874
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Re: Alternative nursery rhymes (not PC) « Reply #4 on: December 19, 2007, 02:24:46 PM »

Did you ever hear the Andrew "Dice" Clay nursery rhymes, they were very rude. fainting

Things like

"Mary had a little lamb she kept in in the yard,
and when she took her panties off it's woolly dick got hard"
[ Last edit by AL1874 December 19, 2007, 02:25:03 PM ] Logged
measdale
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Re: Alternative nursery rhymes (not PC) « Reply #5 on: December 19, 2007, 03:47:28 PM »

Quote
Mary had another skirt 'twas split right up the front ...But she didn't wear that one often.



There was a mildly-rude version on a Half-Man, Half-Biscuit album (somewhere in the dimly remembered 80s), something like:

Mary had a little lamb, the doctors were astounded, and everywhere that Mary went, gynaecologists surrounded.

That one seems to be a particular (easy) target of wude lyrics ...

Mary had a widdle lamb, it's fleece would make her sick. She burnt the f&cker in a fire, the stupid woollen pr!ck .... and so on.
Definitely rude, but not particularly funny.  bolt
[ Last edit by measdale December 19, 2007, 04:00:45 PM ] Logged
JohnW
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Re: Alternative nursery rhymes (not PC) « Reply #6 on: December 20, 2007, 11:26:24 AM »

There was a mildly-rude version on a Half-Man, Half-Biscuit album (somewhere in the dimly remembered 80s), something like:


You know Half Man Half Biscuit?? shocking cmon yeah clap lol
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maxply
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Re: Alternative nursery rhymes (not PC) « Reply #7 on: December 20, 2007, 04:55:08 PM »

Jack & Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail  of water, Jill came down with half a crown but it wasn't for fetching water.

Mary had a little lamb she also had a bear, I've seen her little lamb but I've never seen her bare.
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Allan
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Re: Alternative nursery rhymes (not PC) « Reply #8 on: December 20, 2007, 06:10:02 PM »


Mary had a little lamb she also had a bear, I've seen her little lamb but I've never seen her bare.
My grandad loves that one. lmao
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measdale
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Re: Alternative nursery rhymes (not PC) « Reply #9 on: December 21, 2007, 09:41:40 AM »

You know Half Man Half Biscuit?? shocking cmon yeah clap lol

Oh yeah ...
       "What did God give us, Neil?"  "God gave us life, Nigel ... but he also gave us Little and Large"
I haven't seen them for a couple of decades, but I know they still tour.

My mother also used to recite:
             'Good king Stephen last looked out, on the feast of Wens'las; got a snowball in the mouth, nearly knocked him senseless ...'

(Yeah, I know that's off topic by way of being a carol rather than a nursery rhyme ...)
[ Last edit by measdale December 21, 2007, 09:53:30 AM ] Logged
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