Two priests undress and go under the shower. Soon afterwards they realise that they have forgotten the soap. Priest John says that he has some in his room and disappears immediately without putting on again.
So he takes two pieces of soap, one in every hand and gets on the way back to the shower.
Three nuns approach him on the way there. He can hide nowhere. So he goes and stands against the wall and does not try to move if possible to seem like a statue.
The nuns stop, surprised to have never seen such a realistic statue here.
The first nun extends her hand and touches his secrets.
The priest drops a piece of soap, surprised completely.
«Oh, look! This is a soap dispenser» the first nun says.
The second nun wants to try it at once, too and also touches his secrets.
He drops the second piece of soap.
The third nun of course also would like to try and touches his secrets three, four times. Without success. She carries on full of thirst for action with the hope to get a piece of soap. Suddenly she yells loudly:
«Holy father, it also dispenses shower gel!!!»

  Silly me

Unfortunately this is my type of joke

The last two are brilliant

John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office. After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy. John decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group. To break the ice, and to get the therapy started, John decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. He first asks for a show of hands of all the people who had sex almost every night. A modest number of hands were raised. He then asks, how many had sex once a week? This time a larger number of hands were raised. John then asks how many had sex once or twice a month? Again a few hands were raised. After John polled his group several more times he noticed one guy sitting off to the side with this huge beaming grin on his face. John noticed that the guy never raised his hand, so he asked him how often he had sex. The guy said, �Once a year!� To John's dismay, he responds, �Why are you so happy getting sex only once a year?� The grinning guy responds, "Tonight�s the night!"






Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"






A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies, "That�s a good piece of fir." "Correct,� says the manager, �now try this one." "That�s a bad piece of willow," says the blind man. "Correct," answers the manager.

With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. "I'm confused,� says the blind man, �Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face. The blind man says, "Oh, you�re trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It�s the sh*t house door off a tuna boat!"

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."


well there are some more

I love Lorna's and the ski lodge one and the auction one! I laughed aloud for all those 3!

I've been sent this one - originated in Germany, so I'm wondering if Al started this one

Bloody Women Drivers

Driving to work this morning on the motorway, I looked over to my rightand there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 130 klms per hour, with herface up close to her rear view mirror putting on her eye liner! I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she washalfway over in my lane still working on that make up!

It scared me (and this coming from a bloke....) so much that I dropped myelectric shaver, which knocked the bacon roll out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten up the car using my kneesagainst the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile from my ear, which fellinto the coffee between my legs, causing it to splash and burn BIG JIM ANDTHE TWINS, causing me to scream, which made me drop the cigarette out ofmy mouth, ruined my shirt and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL.

Bloody Women Drivers