[Connor]

My biggest phobia and one I can wholeheartedly say I will never brush off my back is probably death. I bloody hate the thought of never waking up again. I sometimes get all uptight when people say 'death' or 'heaven', because I simply don't want both to exist.

[Aileen]

My biggest phobia and one I can wholeheartedly say I will never brush off my back is probably death. I bloody hate the thought of never waking up again. I sometimes get all uptight when people say 'death' or 'heaven', because I simply don't want both to exist.

I'd say that that feeling is probably normal amongst people of your age, although unlike you, for years I wasn't afraid so much of dying myself as terrified of that happening to my parents and others very close to me.  Hopefully once you get older that fear will become less intense - and I use the word fear rather than phobia because true phobias can take over your whole life, if you let them, so if you feel that that is the case then I think you should have a word with your doc who might refer you for counselling.

I've suffered from agoraphobia for 20 years, as well as the depression which caused it in the first place and which was brought on by very stressful circumstances.  A popular misconception is that this is just a fear of open spaces, but the word itself comes from the Greek "fear of the market-place", and its defining feature is acute and irrational anxiety about being in places from which escape might be, or is perceived to be, embarrassing or difficult or in which help might be unavailable, and this anxiety frequently causes very unplesant panic attacks, so the sufferer does everything possible to avoid being in such situations, even to the extent of becoming completely housebound.

Fortunately with the help of a psychologist and anxiety-reducing medication, which I still have to take, I got over the housebound stage in six months and gradual progress was made from there until I was able to lead something near a 'normal' life.  That life though is very restricted.  I can't just hop on a bus or train and go anywhere I would like to go, so that rules out travel beyond the city boundaries, nor can I go to the cinema or a concert, or socialise where big gatherings of people are involved - and take me away from a main bus route and the feelings of panic begin to kick in pretty quickly, although in that respect I bless the invention of the mobile phone because I know that, if the worst comes to the worst, I can always call for a taxi, something which in itself is reassuring.  Unfortunately for me I soon reached an age where it became clear that further progress was extremely unlikely, so I've just had to learn to live with it and make the best of what I have got, i.e. good physical health and all my faculties.

[Aileen]

Sorry to hear you suffered from this Aileen, I had a friend when I lived down south who suffered from the same thing - she was only young at the time and was housebound for a long time also, I'm not in touch with her now but I think she got a lot better after a few years. That's good your physically fit & you certainly seem to be a very clever lady. Must still be hard though.

Thank you for the compliment.   Yes it can be very frustrating and depressing at times, but in its own strange way it's made me much more appreciative of life.  As your friend was young I hope she did eventually make a full recovery.  Fortunately attitudes towards, and treatments of, these sort of conditions have improved greatly over the last 20 or so years.

[Aileen]

You are not alone, I am suffering with a social anxiety disorder at the moment and I find it difficult to leave the house, the world seems so much bigger than what "normal people" associate as a small world, funny my grandad said for me to just calm down haha if only it was that easy, I have been practically housebound for the past 7 months, I know exactly what you have been through.

I'm truly sorry to hear that MM, and I can understand how you feel when your grandad says that to you, because the one thing that used to really upset me (it doesn't now - just makes me feel a bit irritated) was when family and friends said "Why can't you just go and do ... [whatever]", like they thought I was being awkward or stupid.

I do hope that you're getting help with this problem, either through medication or, preferably, some other form of therapy.  Drugs can certainly help in the short-term but they aren't the ultimate solution, and you're too young to let something like this affect your life.

[Elly]

I have a phobia of dogs.  I will cross the street rather than even pass a dog on a lead - and if they are wandering - I will actually change direction.  It's daft, because I like animals in general.

[Elly]

Though I am not completely housebound I don't like going out and things with mates because I feel like I will always make a fool of myself. You may not know this but I am actually the most self conscious child you would ever lay eyes on.

Why would you think that, sweetie? We all make fools of ourselves now and again. x

[Elly]

I don't know Elly, its just a mental state I have been stuck in for years and trying to get out, though failing miserably.

We all fail miserably at times, hon - some are just better at hiding it than others.  Wish you could know that you're no different, really. x

[Aileen]

Though I am not completely housebound I don't like going out and things with mates because I feel like I will always make a fool of myself. You may not know this but I am actually the most self conscious child you would ever lay eyes on.

You have my deepest sympathy Gangsta because I was very self-conscious and painfully shy when I was a youngster.  I don't think though that I was afraid of making a fool of myself so much as the fact that I didn't think I was as good as everyone else and so therefore was a failure.  My friends at school were all much prettier, smarter and cleverer than I was - which of course was a load of boll**ks, only I couldn't see it.  My confidence though did begin to grow once I started working, although why I'm not sure, but maybe it was just part of the maturing process, and some people mature at a slower rate than others.

But as Elly says, everyone makes fool of themselves from time to time.  The best way to deal with it is to laugh at yourself, which I admit isn't always easy.  However it's now a form of self-preservation for me because I can be absent-minded and forgetful at times and also regularly get 10p, 20p and £1 coins mixed up and give shop assistants the wrong money, so thank goodness for self-checkouts and debit cards!

I don't know Elly, its just a mental state I have been stuck in for years and trying to get out, though failing miserably.

Again, failure is nothing to be ashamed of.  Some of the world's most famous and successful people experienced many failures before they finally reached their goals - and Andy is a good example of that too.  It's better to have failed than to not have tried at all because we can learn from our failures.  Maybe though you've been trying too hard to get out of what you perceive as being an insurmountable mental state and so perhaps have expectations of yourself, which, when you don't meet them by your standards, you get down on yourself, and then it all becomes a vicious circle?

I think your best course of action would be to talk to somebody about your social fears, if you haven't already done so, and work out a plan for dealing with them in the least stressful way possible.  It will still take courage and it won't happen overnight, but it's worth a try.  Some schools offer counselling services to pupils, so if your school has that then perhaps you could consider it.  Other than that is there a teacher or a close family friend or relative you could talk things over with?